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Terrified, that’s what he was.
But, of course, if anyone asked, he would give them a masked smile, a gentle wave and throw in a few words of hope. If one thing his classmates hated more than himself, it was his never ending spiel of hope.
Ah, but no one had come to find him yet, so he didn’t need to lie to himself.
He was terrified.
Another BOOM shook the restaurant, and Nagito’s hands tightened around his ears. He could feel a little bit of his soul being pulled away into the temping tendrils of dissociation everytime a firework popped and exploded.
He couldn’t focus on the table in front of him. Or, wait, was the table still in front of him? Or was he on the floor?
Floor..
The floor of the airplane. Being knocked out of the sky by the meteor- screaming- people calling their loved ones- engines sputtering and failing- the pilot saying prayers over the intercom- when suddenly-
BOOM!
His hands were doing little to nothing against the noise, but he couldn’t stop it if he wanted to. Flashbacks piled over each other, squeezing his throat too tight and filling his lungs with cement. He tried to focus, tried remembering the warm, pine wood floorboards he had collapsed onto, but they always translated into his head as the carpet of the plane, or the bloodstained sand, or, or-
“...Na...to….Nagi...NAGITO!”
Another loud noise jolted him from his flashback, and he scrambled away from whoever was yelling for him. If he wasn’t careful, that could spawn a whole other clump of flashbacks, but-
“Hey, hey. What’s wrong?” Two strong hands clamped onto his shoulders. Despite flinching away at first, the warmth and security was...welcome. It was the grounding he needed to pull his mind away from…
“Oh, sorry, should I-“ the hands let go of his shoulders.
Nagito weakly grabbed the wrists of whoever was holding him, silently begging for them to stay. His eyes wouldn't focus just yet, and he was still staring down at the pine boards in front of him, but he just needed…to breathe.
One of the hands left his shoulder to wrap around his back, as did the other soon after. They were warm. Warm and secure…it felt like a hug. hugs felt nice, he missed them. A lot. But he wouldn’t dare ask any other ultimates to soil their worthy hands with his dirty presence.
Wait. Someone was hugging him. That someone had to have been an Ultimate. But their arms felt so safe, and the gentle strokes up and down his back were so loving, that all he could do was softly exhale and melt into whoever was holding him.
“There you are..” The deep voice said softly.
Hajime, Hajime is holding you.
Hajime is safe.
“Can you hear me, Nagito?”
Though his throat still felt tight and his chest, still filled with cement, he nodded. “Yes.”
“Ah, you’re back.” Hajime chuckled softly. “I was wondering where you were.”
Oh, you know, just having a teensy tiny little breakdown because no one thought to tell me fireworks were LOUD.
“The...fireworks. Just scared me.” He mumbled pitifully instead. “I’ve never seen them before. I didn’t expect them to be…”
“Oh, yeah. They are pretty overwhelming aren’t they?” Hajime pulled away from him, trailing his hands down Nagito’s arms before securing his hands in a tight hold.
“Pitiful, isn't it?” Nagito smiled sourly down at the floor. “A shame, really, I was looking forward to seeing the colors.”
“Well, let’s go then. Everyone is still firing them off, they’ve just moved onto the silent ones when I went to go find you.” Hajime stood up, holding a hand out for Nagito.
“But, the noises.” Nagito stared at Hajime’s hand. “It will be too loud for me.”
“That’s why I brought these.” Hajime held up a pair of headphones in his other hand, smiling. “Here-“
He brushed Nagito’s hair back from his face and slid them onto his ears. Nagito felt his face turn pink at how close Hajime was, trying not to think about it.
The weight from the headphones was a bit stifling rather than comforting, but they worked nonetheless. When Hajime asked, “do they work?” A soft, muffled version came through instead.
Nagito nodded, and Hajime grabbed his hand with a grin.
“Let’s go, then.” Nagito stumbled to his feet as Hajime dragged him out the door, and to the beach. He nervously adjusted the yukata he had thrown on, hoping it wasn’t done improperly or had fallen down.
The beach sand was soft and warm from the day’s sun underneath his feet. Chiaki and Sonia waved as the two approached, each holding fireworks in their hands.
“Hajime! You returned with Nagito!” Sonia said.
“Yeah, I did.” Hajime chuckled. Nagito raised a hand in greeting, looking warily at the fireworks.
“What's with the headphones?” Akane shouted from her spot in one of the palm trees (how did she even climb that?)
Nagito tried to hide his embarrassment-flushed face as a few more people turned to look at him and Hajime. Hajime opened his mouth to speak but Nagito beat him to it.
“I’m not fond of loud noises. That's all.” He chuckled a little. He felt Hajime’s gaze on him, but just continued to smile as Akane.
“Well, good thing you came in time for the triple colored ones!” Sonia said, her eyes sparkling. “Nekomaru has taught me how to set up the fireworks!”
“I could’ve done that for you…” Kazuichi mumbled. “It's not like a princess to fire off fireworks…”
Hajime tugged Nagito away from the scene, sitting down on a few towels onto the sand. A firework soon flew up into the air, it's path wobbly but bright. It exploded and though Nagito flinched back at first, the instinctual fear sputtered out and died at the beautiful lights of the fire. More and more were shot up, the sky’s dark clouds being illuminated wonderfully with the colored flames.
It was enchanting.
He was so enamoured with the light show that he didn't even feel Hajime’s hand leaving his, before a steady weight of Hajime’s arm rested around his shoulder. He managed to pull his gaze away from the fireworks to look at Hajime, the lights coloring his skin bright colors and making his cherry-red cheeks obvious. Hajime only chuckled and pulled Nagito closer to him. Nagito let a small smile slip onto his face as he moved closer to the other man, turning his attention back to the fireworks that were slowly morphing into shapes of stars, hearts, and diamonds.
A gentle breeze floated through the island, carrying the smoke far across the ocean. Nagito shivered a bit and leaned his head onto Hajime’s shoulder. Normally, his mind would have run rampant with self-doubt and repetitions of the same old phrase “you don't deserve this.”
But they were silent. Quieted by the pressure of the headphones, the muffled boom s of the fireworks, and the lovesick hearts beating together as one on a deserted island meant solely for them.
This, Nagito thought to himself as he let his tired eyes slip closed, must be paradise.