Work Text:
Aizawa bit his tongue as he watched his Class playing outside beneath the sun, laughing and cussing each other without real intent as they played soccer, so innocent...
So naive.
So ignorant.
So clueless.
Why did he agreed to be the one to do this?
This hadn't been part of the plan.
A lot of things hadn't gone according to the plan now that he thought about it.
It was just about time for the final blow, yet...
He didn't want anything to do with this anymore.
He didn't want to hurt them.
Dammit.
He sat back at the armchair holding his head, hand covering his eyes, this was wrong, he wasn't suppose to be struggling, he wasn't suppose to be doubting, he wasn't suppose to be feeling bad about it....
After all heroes deserved what was coming for them.
They deserved to be sent to battle underestimating the enemy.
Then why?
Why did it felt so wrong?
He wasn't suppose to feel bad for them, all of them were the same.
Kurogiri.
Shigaraki.
Toga.
Twice.
Dabi.
Spinner.
Aizawa himself.
All of them were society's doing.
Why should he feel bad about a few more innocent deaths? And even then he had to take Todoroki, Uraraka, Midoriya and Tsuyu with him.
But he didn't want to kill the others.
None of them deserved to die...
Fuck...
He needed someone to tell him what to do.
Because even if he wanted to turn himself in he was scared of the outcome.
He was scared of being taken away.
He was scared of not being given a chance to speak.
He was scared of ending up like Kurogiri, chained like an animal and be forced to speak of things he knew nothing about.
Also, if he left who would take his place to watch over his kids?
He didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.
He finally had what he always wanted.
But at what cost?
And even if he wanted it he was too broken to deserve it.
He has seen this all before.
He was lying to himself.
None of this was worth it.
Eventually they would all leave him.
They always did.
Should he leave or should he carry on?
Was his commitment from before still strong?
If he left they would be safe, would they forget him though?
Or would he always live in their memories?
But as what would he live as?
A hero?
A traitor?
A villain?
He felt his fingernails dig at the left side of his temple, the pain helping him to somewhat focus on keeping his cool, he couldn't lose his grip right now on what was right or what was wrong.
He heard the door open behind him and he was quick to turn around as the sea of voices washed over the room.
-I won that last goal!
-Hah like fuck you did!
-Iida was the one who won it so stop arguing over something none of you did!
Aizawa watched them argue, a knot forming inside his chest as he glanced away.
When?
When did his life even became this?
Wondering if killing a bunch of kids was bad or not.
He felt his phone buzzing inside his pocket yet ignored it, he knew who was it, Shigaraki was probably wondering where was he or why was he taking so long.
He looked down at his hands.
The hands of a psychopath weren't they?
He could no longer remember how many people had he killed through the years, of what ages...
Age was never an inconvenience.
Gender, age nor any kind of state was able to stop him from the carnages he left behind, he never paid attention to any of that, all he knew is that he enjoyed the sound of skin ripping off the muscle, the screams, the blood splashing everywhere, the bones breaking, the tears, the agony, the pleas...
Just that right now none of that really seemed to matter that much.
-Sensei are you okay?- Iida's voice cut through his train of thoughts, it made him realize two things.
He was digging his fingernails on his forearm through the sleeve of his shirt.
The whole group had moved to stand near his range of view, all of them sporting concerned looks, even Bakugou, it made him think that maybe he had spaced out too much that he may had not heard if they had been calling him, his hand relaxed it's grip on his forearm, yet even then he found himself unable to answer as his eyes roamed over each one of them.
So innocent.
Why was U.A. sending kids to war?
It didn't matter how strong they were, if not even professional heroes would be able to fight this how come a bunch of kids would be better at it?
-Sensei?- Called this time Ashido worriedly, the erasure hero looked unnervingly...off...
Conflicted even.
-There is something you need to know.- Aizawa finds himself saying, if they had to know it it would be by Aizawa's own voice not others, because he knew it would be a matter of time before Shigaraki realized he wasn't going back and decided to blow up his cover, not that Aizawa could blame him for it, all of them were on thin line here, if AFO was to find out....
-Is it about The League Of Villains?- Asks Kirishima worriedly, that being the first thought in his head, Aizawa seems to make a face at that.
-Kind of, please sit down.- Asks the erasure hero, anxiety making him bite the inner side of his cheek, fingernails digging at the back of his neck in a subtle scratching mannerism.- I'm telling you because it will soon probably blow up anyways, and I would rather be the one to tell you rather than having you hear it in a twisted way from someone else, I just ask of you to listen first, afterwards you can do whatever you want I won't hold it against you.
Aizawa's words get the Class anxious, what was happening? The way he held himself...
It was like he was trying to convey a non threatening stance while at the same time giving an air that he was open for any kind of attack...
It was unnerving.
And the fact that he wasn't looking at any of them wasn't comforting at all.
-Sensei what's wrong?- Asks a concerned Midoriya, he didn't like the way Aizawa held himself, the way he refused to look at any of them, the way he seemed to grow guilty by the second.
Aizawa gave them a last look, taking in their faces filled with worry and anxiety, because this could be the last time he would be able to look at them without finding hatred nor fear in their eyes.
The last moments of peace he would ever get, he took a deep breath before speaking three single words that froze the whole room.
-I'm the traitor.
A pin drop could be heard in the silence of the room, Aizawa didn't look at any of them, he felt...
More calm than he had thought this would ever feel like.
-What?-That was Shinso's voice, the boy sounded like he didn't knew if to feel betrayed, angry, shattered or shocked, as if his voice had been the switch the eruption of questions didn't made itself wait.
-You are joking right?
-Is this some kind of test?
-Are you recording us?
-Are you doing this to see if one of us is the traitor and will come out?
Aizawa finally raised his eyes to look at them, he knew his look must had conveyed the truth of his words if the way they grew silent was something to go for, some of them seemed to even be vibrating in their seats, from anger or fear Aizawa didn't knew.
-You aren't joking are you?- Asks Kaminari, voice small, the boy looks so destroyed it tugs at Aizawa heartstrings.
-So all of that with The League Of Villains... are you one of them?- Asks Midoriya, betrayal deep into his core, because suddenly so many things made sense, that didn't meant it didn't hurt any less, to know that the same man who had risked his own life for them was the same one who had been behind all, that he was part of those who destroyed the symbol of peace...
-Yes.
-Why are you telling us?- Asks Ashido suddenly growing nervous, Aizawa looked away at that question, the buzz in his pocket distracting him momentarily before he allowed himself a moment of weakness.
-... Because I don't know what to do anymore... I don't want to return with The League Of Villains but I know that that will only make them blow up my cover, they lost Kurogiri already, I don't think they will be happy let alone risk themselves to fight me, and even then...
"I don't want to leave them."- He thought in anxiety, because if he left them he knew they would keep up with the plan, and he had a bad feeling about this, Toga, Twice, Shigaraki, Dabi, Kurogiri, Spinner, Mr.Compress, Aizawa himself...
None of them would have a good ending with what was coming.
He could feel it.
But who even said they were allowed to have a happy ending? A bad start always ends bad.
Anything that involved All For One was deemed to end bad.
-You don't want to leave them.- Says Ojiro suddenly, that realization seems to hit everyone at once, Aizawa shakes his head.
Because no.
If what Kurogiri had told him during that visit was something to go for...
AFO was gonna end up destroying what was still left of who once was Shimura Tenko, Aizawa couldn't allow that, Shigaraki didn't deserve to have such a cruel ending, he should had taken him away when he still had the chance, take them all away before Kurogiri was even a thing...
He should had saved them all before things became this.
-It's complicate...
-You... are you a villain or a corrupted hero?- Asks Iida sounding pretty much like he is still struggling to even come to terms with all of this, Aizawa can't help but feel even more bad at that.
-I'm not a hero, Kurogiri was the one who got me a hero identity... I'm not a villain either, or at least that's not exactly how I've heard the heroes nor the cops call me...- Aizawa didn't really met their eyes, he didn't like the idea of them knowing who was he actually, because looking it from another perspective he can tell why people would find what he does disturbing, inhumane.
The acts of a demon.
-Is your name even real?- Asks Yaoyorozu, tone schooled despite hurt in her voice.
-The only name I own is Shouta, Aizawa is a last name I picked at random, I don't own last name, I grew up in an orphanage until I was 10 and ran off.- States the erasure hero matter of fact, he still remembers that day like yesterday.
The first time he killed someone.
It had felt so... right, like it was something he was born to do, the feeling of skin hitting skin, the smell of blood, fingernails ripping the hair off, the screams...
It had been comforting.
Like finally the world was getting what it deserved.
Payback.
-Sensei... What type of person are you?- Asks Uraraka, her voice, her eyes, their eyes, it made a knot swell inside his chest.- Are you good or are you bad?
-I... I don't know... I mean, I know for a fact that I'm far from being a good person but, since I came here there has been a lot of things that had made me realize that maybe there is still something good inside me, that is part of the reason why I choose to tell you, because even if my whole life has consisted on hurting others I thought that maybe... even if just once, I could do something right...
-Did you knew about AllMight? Did you... Were you, are you okay with what they did to him?- Asks Bakugou, voice strained.
-I didn't knew about his skinny form... at first I was okay with it, I mean, I didn't really care that much but now... I can see why he actually did it, get rid of AllMight.. And I wish I have been there to stop it.- Says the erasure hero, voice hollow, because without AllMight what was coming for them, with Shigaraki or not, no one would be able to stop it.
-I always wondered why weren't you there to use erasure on AFO, how come no one told you to go to his help?
-...They did, but I lied, I said my quirk wouldn't work on erasing so many quirks at once, that I wouldn't be able to know who's quirk to take, that I could accidentally take AllMight's...- He didn't met their eyes yet he didn't had to to feel their pain at those words, the betrayal... He wondered if he would be able to stay, what would his life be from now on?
-Why did you risk your life for us at the USJ attack if you were part of The League Of Villains? -Asks Tsuyu after a long moment.
-I didn't risk my life for you... it was suppose to go that way, so that the heroes could see that even if they had never heard of me I was to be trusted, Thirteen wasn't suppose to get hurt though, Kurogiri is just an idiot who thinks with his ass rather than his head.- Mutters the erasure hero at last, the Class doesn't know if to laugh or feel even more freaked out.
-Even getting your arm touched by Shigaraki? The Nomu attacking you? Was that really part of your plan?- Asks Yaoyorozu mildly disturbed at the fact that someone would go to that extent in order to make themselves more valid at the eyes of someone else.
-Yes, I knew Recovery Girl would be able to fix it and I have a high pain tolerance, for the record I was the one who convinced Shigaraki to do it.- Said the erasure hero matter of fact, because it was true, Shigaraki hadn't wanted to use his quirk on him, but Shouta had seen his quirk in use, he perfectly knew what he would have to endure, but he hadn't cared.
Someone who causes pain must always be ready for pain.
He had taught himself to deal with pain through the worst ways possibles, but it had paid off.
-Just what kind of villain were you?- Asks an utterly mortified Aoyama, who in the world could subject themselves to that kind of thing and not feel the tiniest little bit of regret for it?
Aizawa though didn't answer for a long moment.
-I don't think that that's something you really should know about...
-I think we do.- Said Hagakure sounding pretty much like she was giving him a glare, her long sleeved shirt allowing Aizawa to see that she had crossed her arms, shit... they were right weren't they? They deserved all the answers they wanted but... he didn't want them to know... No one could know, but he also knew he had no escapade here.
-Like I said before, heroes nor anyone for that matter refers to me as a villain... I have heard the term sociopath a lot, psychopath, serial killer, demon... the devil's spawn.- He whispered the last one, because he knew that that title only he wielded it, over all Japan only one single person owned that nickname, and he knew they had heard it before if their blanched faces were something to go for.
But to be honest?
Who hasn't heard of him?
The psychopath with the dismemberment habit, he who had the tendency to skin his victims alive and leave a carnage behind that most of the best trained heroes couldn't even look at due how skin crawling was it, he who always seemed to have mounted a movie scene with the corpses of his victims and their body parts/organs.
Women, men, kids,babies, old people, pregnant women, heroes, villains, vigilantes.
It didn't matter.
He always did the same.
His last stunt had been at a retirement home for heroes three years ago, the carnage he left was...
One he was proud of.
He even made them the best scene, a zoo like vibe, he took methodical care on the organs he ripped out, the skin he cut, the position he put them in...
It was...
It was beautiful.
The Class for their side could feel their bones shaking inside their bodies, the knowledge of who was he, what he had done, even if the NEWS always refused to show the scenes HE left behind there were people who sometimes got to the scene first, put those images in the internet, anyone who was obsessed over heroes had seen at least one picture of what HE left behind.
It wasn't pretty.
It was a monstrosity.
A carnage.
Something truly out of this world.
Like he had honestly enjoyed every single second of it.
-...Were you suppose to kill us? Was that why you were sent here? To do the same you did with us? To mock U.A. about it?- Asks Shoji tense, Aizawa doesn't like the way they look like they are ready to either bolt or receive an attack.
-...I wasn't sent here to kill you specifically, it was more like to set doubt amongst the U.A. staff, the knowledge that there was a traitor, they no longer would be able to trust each other... which would lead to their division for when the time to fight was to come they wouldn't be able to fight right... I was suppose to leave when Shigaraki called... though not kill you all, four of you were suppose to come with me...
-With you? Who? Why?- Asks Kirishima horrified, they had... they did were suppose to die, the idea of Aizawa not choosing to tell them and just killing them off... it was terrifying, it made his stomach churn in betrayal and pain, and for the looks of it he wasn't the only one.
-Toga was quite adamant on wanting Midoriya, Tsuyu and Uraraka, said she would make my life a living hell if I was to kill any of you three and Dabi already has set on stone burning me to a crisp if I kill Todoroki.- The four in question blink not knowing if to feel creeped out, relieved or what.
-Why them?- Asks Jirou, voice strained.
-Toga likes them and Dabi... that's not really my place to tell.- States Aizawa flatly, because no, he couldn't risk them knowing who was Dabi behind that disguise, because if Endeavour was to know... he doesn't want to know what could happen.
-Did you knew about Stain?- Asks Iida sounding oddly calm, yet Aizawa can hear the anger behind his voice, he forces himself to face the boy before answering.
-I did, but not even Shigaraki himself had power over him, he did as he pleased not telling anyone about it.- Says the erasure hero matter of fact, because it was true, Ingenium wasn't even suppose to get caught in the crossfire, the guy had been a nice one, he never saw difference between heroes or vigilantes, Shouta had spoken with him a few times over the facade of being a vigilante.
-Why did you trained me? Was it because of my quirk? Were you planning on taking me to The League Of Villains just like they got Bakugou due his personality? Because I have a villain's quirk?- Asks Shinso, he sounds hurt, Aizawa bites his tongue at that, yet he doesn't look away as he answers, as much as he hates admitting this fact he knows the boy deserves the truth.
-No... I did it because with your type of quirk you could even take AllMight, but for some reason U.A. had the bright idea to leave you to rot in that useless class, you had potential, you weren't part of any kind of plan.- Stated Aizawa flatly yet truthfully, Shinso had been the first one, at the sport festival, that boy had made something in him squirm in disagreement, because such a potential, being wasted.
The kid had hero vibe.
-Do you really care about us or is this some kind of plan to gain pity? Was there anytime when you did something for real and not because you had to keep the act on?- Asks Todoroki this time, face schooled.
-It's because I care about you that I'm telling you this, all the comforting I did, the fight with Overhaul, none of that was staged.
-Toga stabbing you? Wasn't Overhaul with The League Of Villains? Did you knew about Eri?- Asks Midoriya, voice flat, he still remembers the pain, Sir Nighteye, Mirio, Aizawa pushing him out of the way when the walls started closing, that guy who took Aizawa out... Was all of that staged? Had he known about Eri?
-I didn't knew about her until you said it, for what I was told Overhaul didn't allow anyone from the league to meet the girl, Toga stabbing me wasn't staged, sometimes you gotta improvise in order to keep appearances up, the league was with Overhaul until Twice got his mask ripped off, Toga's fond of him so she choose to give them the middle finger, you saw Midoriya lead you to where the fight was didn't you?- Asks Aizawa looking at Uraraka who frowns as she remembers that yes, Deku had taken her to the fight, but Deku had been fighting...
-Was that her?- Aizawa nodded, the silence extended for a long while after that, some of the Class still trying to process all of this, they didn't exactly felt anger, well maybe a little, they KNEW that Aizawa was...
Well not someone to take lightly.
All those things he did, all those people he killed, all those people the league killed, Ragdoll, Best Jeanist, AllMight, Endeavour, Ingenium, Sir Nighteye... Heroes caught in the crossfire, things he could had prevented but didn't...
But somehow they couldn't really bring themselves to feel hatred nor fear towards the man.
They had been under the claws of Japan's most dangerous person and they hadn't known, they could had been killed in their sleep... Was that why he didn't like the media? Because people could see his face? But he still did it...
-Why did you became... THAT?- Dares to ask Kirishima suddenly, because despite all Aizawa's quirk could had been a great quirk for a hero...
-...Sometimes you just grow tired of waiting, sometimes the wrong hands are the ones to offer help, and sometimes you just get tired of trying to fit society's standards, one way or another at the end of the day the path of a villain is the only one that seems fit, as wrong as it's you can't help but see it as the only path to take, because if no one cared before what was there to lose?- He says absently, a far away look on his face.
Shigaraki... If anyone would had offered a helping hand.
Kurogiri... If anyone would had made sure that he was still alive.
Dabi... If anyone would had SEEN, SPOKEN.
Toga... If anyone would had understood.
Twice... If anyone would had been there.
Spinner... If anyone would had been more accepting.
Shouta... If anyone would had been less superficial.
It was all society's fault.
And now they were crying about it.
As if they weren't the responsibles of this.
-If that was it why did you did that...? Kill people, what was there to gain from that?- Asks Sero, because the way Aizawa says that... it makes it sound like he wasn't the only one, like somehow...
Like somehow The League Of Villains was born because of those words.
-Payback I guess...?- Frowns the erasure hero, because if he truly thinks about it... why did he did that? Why did he start doing that? I mean, it had been awesome to kill the stupid woman from the orphanage, it was a wonderful payback for all she did to him, the harassment, the abuse, the insults... the weird touching... It had been payback...
But what about the others?
Come to think of it when did he start killing again after that thing at the orphanage?
"You look lonely, why don't you come with me? I have a son who would like the company."
"Shimura Tenko."
"You or him?"
"Shigaraki must step on for the time being, when Tenko gets back his quirk will be of great use."
-Shigaraki.- Aizawa found himself saying, a sudden sense of realization sending shivers down his spine, AFO had tainted Shigaraki right? Even changing his name, he wasn't stupid he knew Shigaraki's quirk was more than what he used right now, the hands, Gigantomachia, the successor bullshit, AllMight, AllMight's successor, Shimura Nana...
...Was he planning on making them fight?
Take OFA back, that's what he had said once right?
Aizawa could swear on his life that he heard him say something about getting a new body, one with a powerful quirk... didn't Shouta tried to take Shigaraki away after that?
Wasn't after that that he started killing?
But why?
Why did he had a feeling AFO was behind his weird glee for carnage?
Was it to distract him from what he was doing to Shigaraki?
Why was he sent here? Specifically him?
Was it because AFO knew he wanted to take Shigaraki away?
Shit... He couldn't leave, he had to take Shigaraki before that shit with the body modification took place tomorrow, he couldn't let this keep going on.
Because he had a feeling Shigaraki would disappear if he did let this keep going on.
But HOW?
OFA had eyes everywhere, he wouldn't let his new ''recipient'' escape just like that.
-Shigaraki? What does he has to do with it?- Frowns Kaminari, Aizawa looked off, like he just unlocked an universal secret.
-This was wrong, I can't stay.- He said suddenly, because this was an error, he shouldn't had opened his mouth, he should had left, not kill them and come up with a stupid excuse of course but left either way, yet he didn't got that close to the door because someone grabbed him, he looked back to find Midoriya, sharp green eyes against black.
-You said that you didn't knew what to do, that that's why you were telling us, but you are choosing to leave now either way, I'm asking you this once, what are you? An enemy or an ally?- Aizawa stared deep into those forest green eyes filled with anxiety, hope, fear, nerves, pleading...
He looked up, eyes falling on each kid, all of them looking both tense and in a stance ready to jump at him.
He knew that if he left next time he saw them he would most likely have to fight them.
But they were heroes and Shouta was a villain.
It was something that would had happened sooner or later.
He wished he could stay, teach them more about how the world worked.
But Shigaraki needed him more.
They were safe here.
-.... I need to save him before it's too late, you may not understand, probably won't make that much sense either but... If Shigaraki does what he is planning to do he won't be the only one dying, I was right all along, I should had gotten rid of AFO when I first heard it, but I focused more on killing people, you can choose to let me go or I will be forced to make you, please don't make me hurt you.- Aizawa doesn't care how pleading his tone comes out.
Because he doesn't want to fight them.
He doesn't want to hurt them.
-No, whatever it is the heroes can take care of it.- Refuses Midoriya, Aizawa shakes his head.
-You don't get it kid, the heroes won't do anything but lock them up, and I can't let that happen, I know that they are far from innocents let alone saints, but villains or not they are still people, those rejected by society, if I don't save them no one will, that's how they ended up like they are now in the first place, because no one saved them.- Said the erasure hero sharply at the end.
-Then let us help.- Says Bakugou out of nowhere, shocking both Aizawa and the rest.- If I'm going to be the number one hero that means I will have to at some point save people that I hate, what better way to start than saving those bastards' asses? And you say he won't be the only one dying right? Which means a lot of other people will die, people that don't deserve it.
-...That's... No, I can't allow that.- Says Aizawa, if he allowed them to help... he would ruin their lives.
-Guess what? You said it before didn't you? Legally speaking you are not a hero so you can't really tell us what to do, nor anyone can because that would imply you telling them which you won't do.- Said Shinso looking almost arrogant at his choice of words, Aizawa couldn't really muster the strength to glare at the boy, he kind of felt proud to be honest, the little shit was practically manipulating him, using his words against him.
-You do realize that if they find out you would most likely be sent to prison right? With no hopes of ever becoming a hero...- Said the erasure hero narrowing his eyes at them, of course he wouldn't let that happen, if all, he will say he took them hostage, threatened them even.
-What do you think we are? Five? Of fucking course we know that.- Snaps Bakugou hastily.
-Are you really sure you want to do this?- Asks Aizawa still not really sure of this, the phone in his pocket was buzzing again, though this time it lasted for longer, it made Aizawa's chest tighten for some reason, a knot in his gut telling him that he should get it.
-Yes.- Nods the whole Class firmly, because a hero sometimes had to take risks in order to save others, because at the end of the day Aizawa was right, even villains needed to be saved, because they trusted Aizawa, he was always there for them, if he is true about it then they can trust him on this, also, it didn't matter who it was the job of a hero was to save people, and if they got The League Of Villains maybe and just maybe they wouldn't have to worry about them ever again.
Because sometimes a single action could change everything.