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Part 4 of Art’s Unrelated Irondad & Spiderson One-Shots
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The Friendly Neighborhood Exchange, The Best Irondad/Spiderson Fics, The Best Peter Parker Whump Fics, The Best of the Best MCU Fics, Really good Irondad and Spiderson fanfics, Irondad Creators Awards 2022, My Favs, works to go back and read again because they were so good, Salty’s Fav MCU Peter Parker Fics, When you smile—I fall apart, Peter Parker Stories, Stories I have finished, marvel fics I like (mostly avengers), Spider Son and Iron Dad FanFiction, my marvel favorites, Irondad Must-Read Fics, MY Spiderson, MARVELous Fanfictions, SakurAlpha's Fic Rec of Pure how did you create this you amazing bean, Nohn's Favorites, IronDad and SpiderSon fics that altered my brain chemistry, mashedpotatoes333 fav works, Fics I'd marry but I can't so I'll read them over and over again, marvelous ;), i wish i had a dad, Peter parker collection
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2021-12-23
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Itsy Bitsy Spider

Summary:

“What,” Tony’s voice broke and he coughed to clear his throat. “What are you- no, wait, maybe first just, who are you?”

There was a long and awkward pause before Tony received a response from the lunatic stuck to the building. “I’m- I’m Spider-Man.”

OR

after Civil War, Tony aims to distract himself from the trauma by focusing on developing his nano tech, and somehow gets caught into a spider's web along the way.

***

nominated for the “Best Homeless” and “Identity Reveal” fic in the 2022 Irondad Creator Awards!

Notes:

hi! this is my first ever friendly neighborhood exchange and I've had so much fun with this project and I hope that my giftee enjoys this work!! <3

I don't think that there's any particular TWs, but check out the tags just in case!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

There was a spider sticking to the side of the building.

Not literally, it was actually (probably) a freaking person, but their fingers definitely were stuck to the brick wall of the alleyway Tony had found himself in after the little test flight in the Nanotechnology that he was fiddling with maybe didn’t go so well.

The fall hadn’t hurt, that much, anyway. At least, face-planting onto the pavement hadn’t been anywhere near as much of a shock as lifting his head to see the red and blue spandex-clad thing just hanging there as if it wasn’t weird at all.

What was weirder? The spider person sticking to the wall or the iron person falling out of the sky?

“What,” Tony’s voice broke and he coughed to clear his throat. “What are you- no, wait, maybe first just, who are you?”

There was a long and awkward pause before Tony received a response from the lunatic stuck to the building. “I’m- I’m Spider-Man.”

Tony’s eyebrows rose at the high-pitched squeak in the spider’s… man’s… dude’s voice. “You’re a spider something, that’s for sure. Now back to my first thought, what the hell are you doing sticking to the side of a building?”

The spider lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “What are you doing kissing the pavement? I don’t think I have to tell you how many disgusting things tend to occur down there. Pretty sure I was bleeding there to your left a couple of nights ago, actually.”

Tony glanced to his side and sure enough, there was a red patch on the ground. Well, that made for an unpleasant image.

“Aren’t spiders supposed to have blue blood?” Tony questioned absently.

“Yes, well, only about 8% of my DNA is actually spider. The majority of my internal makeup is still mostly man.”

“Are you sure about that?” This guy couldn’t even be out of college yet. Probably nineteen or twenty.

“I mean, I didn’t have the greatest technology to test my DNA with, but I’m pretty sure.”

“Messing around in your college chem lab, eh?” Tony asked, smiling slightly at the idea.

Another pause. “Sure.”

“Alright then,” Tony said, standing on achy legs. He mentally added more durability to the nano tech mental checklist as he did so. “It was real great meeting you and all, but I’d best be getting home now.”

“That’s um,” the spider guy started before stopping and trying again. “That’s a pretty cool new suit you’ve got going on there.”

Tony looked down at his disaster of a first attempt at nanotechnology. He’d have to start again practically from scratch, but he’d collected a fair bit of information in the twenty minutes it’d taken to fly from Manhattan and fall down into… what was this, Queens?

Now that Tony thought about it, he had heard of this Spider-Man before, he was Queen’s native vigilante. He tended to trend on YouTube for being able to stop a bus with his bare hands. He was obviously strong. It just hadn’t occurred to Tony that he was also… sticky.

He was wearing fingerless gloves, which confirmed that it wasn’t just some sort of adhesive, his fingertips were literally sticky. Super weird. Surely the webs didn’t actually shoot out of his wrists, though, right?

Tony could have just accepted his compliment with a smile and a nod, but no, he had to go and be an asshole about it. “Yeah, well, I guess it’s a bit better than the pajamas you’ve got.”

“They’re not pajamas,” Spider-Man grumbled, finally moving as he crawled down the wall a bit to perch on the lid of a dumpster.

“Okay,” Tony said, “now you just sound like one of those Facebook moms at Walmart.”

“How would you even know what people wear at Walmart? Have you ever even been to a Walmart in your life?”

“No, but I do have access to internet memes and from those, I conclude that you’d fit right in with the PJs.”

“They’re not-” Spider-Man sighs, seemingly admitting defeat. “I’m on a budget, and it does the trick, alright?”

“Alright,” Tony agreed easily, not understanding much about budgets other than knowing that normal people had them. “You should stop by the tower sometime, check out the Halloween costume that Cap calls a suit.”

It wasn’t until after he said it that he remembered that Cap wasn’t actually around anymore. No one was, not even Pepper.

Tony could see the eyes under Spider-Man’s ridiculous swimming goggles narrow. “You’d allow people dressed for Walmart in Avengers tower?”

Tony snorted. “I don’t discriminate.”

“Maybe I will, then,” Spider-Man said before crawling back up the wall. “It was cool seeing you, Mr. Stark.”

Tony watched him crawl all the way up to the top of the building, where he then leaped off and let out a whoop as he shot out a web to swing through the city.

Weird. Super weird.

***

There was a spider crawling through Tony’s office window.

Tony was startled enough to spill his coffee onto his lap. The one fucking time he was actually present within a five-foot radius of his paperwork, shit like this happens. This was exactly why he didn’t come into the office. He’d tell Pepper about this next time she complained about his absence.

What are you doing?” Tony asked, mopping the coffee off his three thousand dollar suit with a hundred dollar cat t-shirt he’d had lying around.

The spider shrugged. “You told me to come by sometime.”

“Yeah,” said Tony. “I kind of meant that you could enter via the door, but whatever.”

“I felt like this would be easier than trying to convince the guards to let some guy wearing a mask into the building,” Spider-Man said as he plopped down in a chair across from Tony. “Nice place you got here.”

“I like to think so,” Tony responded. “So, how goes things in the spider world? Lay any eggs lately?”

“What?” the spider asked sharply. “I- I don’t lay eggs.”

Tony lifted his hands in a placating gesture. “Just a question. It’s not like there’s an officially complete list of your abilities on Wikipedia, you know.”

“… I have a Wikipedia page?”

“Your YouTube videos get over a million hits in a 24 hour period and you’re surprised that you have a Wikipedia page?”

“Yeah well, I mean, anyone can take a video of me and post it online. There’s not really enough information about me to grant a full web page, is there?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Way more than one web page, kid. But yeah, there’s a little bit on Wikipedia. Sticky fingers, super strength and speed, those weird web things coming out of you.”

“First of all, the webs do not necessarily come out of me. There seems to be a vastly incorrect preconception concerning those, and they’re really just a chemical substance. And then I have these web-shooters,” Spider-Man said, thrusting out his wrists towards Tony to reveal said web-shooters.

Tony scooted towards Spider-Man to get a closer look. “Huh. Who manufactured these?”

I did,” Spider-Man said, pulling his arms back against his chest.

“Impressive,” Tony complimented. So Spider-Man was intelligent. Good, Tony was rather fond of intelligent people. “What else have you got going on? Enhanced metabolism, I presume?”

Spider-Man nodded. “Yeah, I’m hungry, like, all the time. It sucks. I also have enhanced healing though, so that’s definitely a plus. My senses are dialed to eleven, hence the goggles. They kind of help me filter out excess input and focus on the important stuff. Um, I have sort of a sense for danger, like I can kind of tell when something bad is about to happen and can move out of the way or whatever. Thought it was just anxiety at first, but then anxiety is rarely ever more than just a figment of the imagination.”

Tony snorted. “That’s for sure. So, you need something flexible enough to move easily with your agility and thin enough to work with your sticky hands, plus something to help with the sensory overload. I can work with that.”

“Wait… what are you talking about? Work with what?”

“Work with making you a suit,” Tony said. “You know, one that didn’t come out of the donation bin.”

The stupid swimming goggles simply stared at him for a moment before the masked mouth moved. “Mr. Stark, I’m not… you don’t have to make me a suit.”

“I know I don’t have to, that’s probably the main reason why I want to do it.”

“You shouldn’t make me a suit.”

“You’re only making the prospect of this sound better and better.”

“No, sir, seriously, that would be like so expensive and take so much of your time and-“

“They don’t call me eccentric for nothing. Besides, I’m bored.”

“Your desk is full of paperwork, Mr. Stark.”

“Yeah, and I was working away on it but then a spider crawled in and now I’ve gotta consider calling in the exterminators. I’m terrified of spiders, you know.”

“Then why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because I no longer carry the title of the merchant of death. It would be rather counterproductive of me if I were to squash you now.”

This brought a giggle out of Spider-Man, further confirming Tony’s theory of his youth. Maybe he was even just a freshman in college, eighteen or so. Definitely not any younger than that, mostly because Tony’s mind refused to accept anything other than pretty little lies.

***

There was a spider hanging from Tony’s ceiling.

It was unnerving, but at least it hadn’t been such a shock to the system to see him doing something so weird this time. And he’d been expected, though Tony had left him on the couch when he went to go get coffee. How he’d gone from sitting on the comfortable couch to hanging upside down on the ceiling in less than five minutes was something Tony didn’t really care to investigate.

“You’d best get down before I get the broom out, Spider-Man,” Tony said, setting down his coffee mug and confirming the final specs on the suit in preparation to unveil it to his guest. Tony had been working on the suit for the past two weeks, and it was pretty perfect at this point but he wanted to get Spidey’s input on some things.

Spidey, who as it turns out, was a fairly difficult person to track down. Tony had spent far too many hours sitting on a rooftop in Queens waiting for him to show up not to wind up giving him a Stark phone to avoid it in the future. So it had been pretty easy to invite him to the tower today as he’d only had to call him this time.

Spider-Man didn’t even bother lowering himself down from his web, just swung up before simply dropping down to the floor. Because he had a ridiculous amount of stamina. Another favor of his youth, or perhaps just another enhanced ability.

“You ready to see your suit?” Tony asked.

“Um, yeah,” Spider-Man responded with the undertone of duh.

“Okay, okay,” Tony said, starting to feel nervous. Who’d have ever thought that he would get so anxious over receiving a spider’s approval? He pressed the button to open the curtain he had the spider suit displayed behind, because why wouldn’t he make this whole thing dramatic as hell?

Spider-Man was completely and utterly silent, simply staring at the red and blue suit. Tony looked away from him and fiddled with a misplaced screwdriver.

“We can still make adjustments or whatever, change the color if red’s not really your thing after all, whatever-”

“Oh my God,” Spider-Man said finally. “This is- you seriously made this for me? Holy shit, it’s absolutely amazing. I can’t believe- Oh my God.”

Looking back over to him, Tony smiled. “I take it that you like it?”

Like it? Mr. Stark, it’s- it’s perfect. Can- can I try it on?”

“Well, that is what I invited you here to do, isn’t it?” Tony teased.

“I- yeah. I don’t- I’m scared to touch it.”

Tony felt that weird feeling in his chest again, the one that was something akin to fondness. He went over to the suit and took it off of the display, handing it to Spider-Man.

“It’s fairly sustainable, and I can always fix it should something horrible happen. Just go change in the bathroom,” Tony said, gesturing towards the door.

Spidey nodded, accepting the suit with trembling fingers before bolting to the bathroom. Tony pretended to work on something else as he anxiously waited for him to come back out again, clothed in the project that Tony was ridiculously proud of.

Spider-Man came out about ten minutes later, appearing even more shell-shocked than before. “Mr. Stark, there’s- you put a literal A.I. in my suit?!”

Tony chuckled as he took in Spider-Man’s new look. He was kind of biased, but he thought that it looked pretty spectacular. “Do you like it?”

“Do I- of course I- Mr. Stark, this is so much, it’s too much. I can’t accept-“

“Nuh uh, don’t even start,” Tony said. “I worked on that suit for weeks and I don’t see any other spider dudes in need of it. It’s yours, kid.”

“A-are you sure?” Spider-Man asked. “I mean, this must be like a multi-million dollar suit, and you barely even know me.”

“I know that you’re out there trying to make the world a better place, and that’s more than enough for me.”

“Alright,” Spider-Man agreed hesitantly. “Thank you, Mr. Stark. This is- thank you so much.”

Making Spider-Man a suit had started out as an effort for a distraction, and a very large part of Tony was screaming at him to run now, to leave this alone and just forget about it. He didn’t want to experience anything akin to Steve’s betrayal ever again, and he needed to refrain from trusting someone again in order to avoid that fate.

But Spidey was becoming a little too likable, and Tony was becoming a little too attached. He really should quit while he was ahead, but where was the fun in taking the easy road? God, Tony was lonely.

“It’s no problem, kid. You wanna stay for pizza?”

***

There was a spider eating pizza.

Tony couldn’t decide what was weirder, the sight of the literal human spider with his mask lifted just over his nose shoveling pizza into his mouth or just the sheer amount of pizza he was shoveling into his mouth.

He’d known that Spider-Man had a fast metabolism, but Jesus Christ… He was going to choke on the disgusting pineapple topping he’d insisted on at the rate he was going.

“It’s not going anywhere, you know,” Tony offered after a few moments of this frantic consumption of food. “You can slow down.”

“I’m sorry,” Spider-Man said, a blush staining his exposed cheeks. “It’s just my stupid metabolism…”

“Well, no worries,” said Tony. “I can always order more if you’re still hungry, perks of being a billionaire and all that.”

Spider-Man chuckled lightly and resumed eating his pizza at a slower pace now, cheeks still flushed.

The current scene was so far from normal yet ridiculously domestic at the same time. Spider-Man was sitting on the couch across from Tony with red tomato sauce dripping from the pizza on his paper plate, threatening to stain the white cushions while the television played some random sitcom in the background.

It served to remind Tony of a time when he was surrounded by far more boxes of pizza on the coffee table because the furniture was packed with far more superheroes on it, which of course reminded him to feel sad about the absence of all of that.

The melancholy didn’t last for long, however, as soon Spider-Man was speaking again. “Um, Mr. Stark? Do you happen to like Star Wars by any chance?”

***

There was a spider asleep on the couch.

The credits of the Empire Strikes Back were rolling on the television screen and the light reflected off of Spider-Man’s sleeping face. His mask was still lifted over his nose and his mouth was drooling onto Tony’s designer couch.

It was kind of cute.

The current scene felt a bit like babysitting, the spider had been fed, had his TV time and was now taking a nap. The question was what was Tony supposed to do now? It was well past nightfall but he couldn’t very well wake the kid up and tell him to go home, could he? Would it be weird if Tony just left him there and went off to bed?

He didn’t have to stress about it too much before Spider-Man was jolting awake, breaths coming out as gasps as he sat up.

“Hey,” Tony said quietly in an effort not to startle him, but it proved to be futile as Spider-Man’s head snapped over to him and the eyes of his new mask widened drastically. “You alright?”

Spider-Man looked away and seemed to assess himself before nodding jerkily, breathing still heavy. “Mm. Did I fall asleep?”

Tony snorted, pressing the home button on the Roku remote before turning the TV off. “I thought you were in a coma for a while there, kid.”

“I’m sorry,” Spider-Man said softly, fingers reaching up to pull his mask back down over his mouth.

“It’s no problem,” Tony waved him off. “I just couldn’t decide if I should wake you up or just leave you there. Guess you made the decision for me.”

“Yeah, yeah, I should- I should go out on patrol.”

“You sure you’re okay to do that?” Tony asked skeptically. “You seem a little shaken up.”

“Yeah, I’m good,” Spider-Man assured. “Crime doesn’t exactly sleep and this is a great time to go and really test out the suit, anyway.”

“Alright, well… just be sure to get some sleep at some point.” God, now Tony sounded like a helicopter parent. Spider-Man was an adult who could handle his sleeping schedule on his own.

“I will,” Spider-Man said, standing up from the couch. “T-thank you for dinner. And for the suit, of course.”

“You don’t have to thank me every time you think about it, Spidey,” Tony chuckled, feeling awkward with all the praise.

“I know, I just- I want you to know how much I appreciate it, really. You have no idea how much… Just, thanks.”

“Anytime, kid.”

With that, Spider-Man went over to the balcony and before Tony could point him towards the actual exit, he was jumping off the ledge.

Well, that was one way to go about using the previously untested web-shooters for the first time, never mind Tony’s heart problems.

***

There was a spider on the news.

“Queens’ very own superhero, Spider-Man, seems to have acquired a new outfit! The vigilante was spotted last night swinging his webs through the city as usual, but this time with a very different look!”

“Indeed, Barbara,” the co-host agreed. “If not for the very unique use of his webs, I would have assumed he was a different hero altogether!”

Tony watched the video of Spider-Man swinging through the skyscrapers for a few more moments before switching the television off. Spidey’s new look was definitely an improvement and the news media appeared to agree, but Tony couldn’t help but notice how shaky his web-slinging seemed to be.

Was he having trouble adjusting to the new suit or did it have something to do with the obvious nightmare he’d experienced before leaving for patrol? Tony knew better than to pry, but he still worried.

Then he worried that he worried because it was worrying that he would worry over someone he definitely didn’t need to be getting attached to.

***

“Boss, there is a spider calling you.”

Tony was broken out of his maybe slightly drunken Christmas Eve haze by FRIDAY and reached for his phone to answer it. “Spider-Man? What’s up?”

“Mr. S-stark?” the voice on the other end of the phone breathed. It wasn’t as much of a phone as it was an emergency contact button, which the implications of it actually being used were scary as hell. “D-do you remember when you said that if something horrible happened to the suit you could fix it? I think- I think-”

Tony had never become so sober so fast. “Spidey? Where are you?” he asked, even as he had FRIDAY track his location.

“I-I’m sorry about the suit.”

“Jesus Christ, kid, I couldn’t care less about the suit,” Tony said, stepping into his own suit. “Are you injured?”

“Mm, yeah, kinda,” Spider-Man gasped out. “I- I’m not sure where I am, an alleyway somewhere…”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m heading your way now. Can you just hold on for a few minutes?”

Spider-Man hummed but it sounded uncertain. Tony powered his thrusters as fast as they could go.

***

There was a spider on the ground.

His blood wasn’t blue, but it was definitely blood coming out of him and spilling out onto the pavement. And to think the only liquid substance Tony was planning on being acquainted with that night was of the alcoholic kind.

Christmas Eve had been destined to be spent drowning in booze alone in the penthouse, but of course, Spider-Man had other ideas. Him bleeding out didn’t seem like a terribly great alternative.

“Spidey?” Tony said, trying not to panic but failing horribly. This was bad, like, really bad. Some jackass had apparently decided to take a knife and fucking stab his spider, and on Christmas Eve no less. Not cool, really, really not cool.

“I’m- I’m good, Mr. Stark,” Spider-Man gasped out. “R-really, you didn’t have to come. I j-just need a m-minute.”

“Boss,” FRIDAY’s voice came through Tony’s suit, “Spider-Man seems to be struggling to breathe. Removal of his mask is highly recommended.”

“I definitely had to come, kid,” said Tony. “You’ve gotten yourself in a bit of a predicament, yeah? Did you hear FRIDAY?” he asked hesitantly, knowing that his enhanced ears were capable of picking up her voice.

Spider-Man didn’t respond, and it took a minute before Tony realized that he was actually passed out. Oh, this wasn’t good at all.

Tony had never even attempted to pressure Spider-Man into unmasking himself. He figured that if he felt comfortable with it, he would. If he didn’t, he didn’t. It didn’t matter much to him either way. A face was a face (though Pepper’s face was particularly lovely in his opinion). Tony didn’t like the idea of doing so without his permission, even in such a dire situation. But it seemed he didn’t have much of a choice just now.

“Alright, kid,” Tony sighed, resigned. “Sorry about this.”

He reached out to slip off the mask and once it was done he froze. Then he just stared.

Holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit.

“Oh my God,” Tony said to literally no one as Spider-Man was currently passed out and the alleyway was otherwise deserted. “You’re not just a kid, you’re- you’re like an actual kid.”

The face Tony was looking at couldn’t be anything more than sixteen. Even passed out with his eyes closed, there was no mistaking his youth. But more than that, he looked… sick. And not just from the whole major blood loss caused by a stab wound thing going on right then, but there was just a long-term unhealthiness about him.

He didn’t have too much time to take it all in as FRIDAY urgently reminded him of the need for medical attention and he was scooping the kid up into metal arms and speeding off back to the tower.

***

There was a spider lying in a hospital bed in the MedBay.

There was a child lying in a hospital bed in the MedBay.

Cho had given him blood transfusions before stitching him up and his healing factor was working nicely, but it didn’t change the fact that there was a child lying in that hospital bed.

Tony felt as though he should be calling the parents, they must be worried sick, but Tony didn’t know anything about them because he’d never even asked if Spider-Man was old enough to drive, much less if he was still in need of guardian permission slips. Though the state of him and the fact that he was out patrolling on Christmas Eve night made Tony wonder if he might have been a runaway.

Cho had also put Spider-Man on a nutrient IV as soon as she’d finished with the stitches. It was hours of Tony sitting by his bedside lost in troublesome thoughts before the spider began to blink his eyes open.

“M’ister Stark?” he mumbled groggily. “What’re you doin’ here?”

Tony struggled to keep his anger in check. It wasn’t as though the kid even knew what was going on and he was recovering from a major injury. But Jesus Christ, he was a kid!

The kid seemed to take the moment of silence to adjust to his surroundings, and he was talking again before Tony could muster up a single word. “Where am I? W-where’s my mask?”

The pure terror that could be heard in the kid’s voice served to extinguish the fire that had been building in Tony. “I had to take it off,” he muttered. “You couldn’t breathe.”

Spidey sat up and winched, presumably at the pain from the stab wound.

“Be careful,” Tony advised. “You don’t want to tear the stitches.”

Spider-Man didn’t look at him, only put his head in between his knees as his breathing picked up.

“Hey, hey it’s alright. No need to freak out,” Tony said as if he hadn’t spent the past few hours doing just that. He hesitantly reached out a hand and placed it on the kid’s back. He flinched at the contact, but didn’t push him off so Tony felt pretty safe in letting it settle there.

Things were quiet as Spider- Spider-Kid, because Spider-Man was a kid for God’s sake, worked to steady his breathing. “I’m sorry,” he said after a few moments of this. “I- I wasn’t ready for this.”

“It’s fine,” Tony assured, even though it was nowhere near being fine. “Just settle down and get some more rest. We can talk about it later.”

“Mm.” Spider-Man lay back down on the bed, his back facing Tony. Tony sat and listened for his breaths to even out before closing his eyes and drifting off himself in the hospital chair.

***

There was no spider in the room when Tony awoke.

The IV had been ripped out and there were spots of blood on the white bed sheets. The torn Spider-Man suit remained lying on the chair beside Tony.

Christmas day was a lonely affair. Tony wondered how Pepper was, where the Rogue Avengers were, but mostly thought about Spider-Man, whose actual name he didn’t even know.

He drank a little, cried a little, but mostly slept. Then he got to work.

***

There was a spider sitting on a rooftop in Queens.

Tony hadn’t necessarily been hunting for him, it was just that he’d finished fixing the spider suit and it needed to be returned to its entirely underage owner. Otherwise, what was the point?

He might have expected the kid to run once he’d heard Iron Man’s repulsors approaching, but he remained rooted to the spot in his cross-legged position overlooking the city. Tony landed on the rooftop and stepped out of his suit, quietly approaching the silent teen.

“I saw on the news that Spider-Man has a new style,” Tony said after a moment. “Seems kind of silly to go back to the PJs now.”

Spider-Kid shrugged, his mask off. “It’s Saturday. Most people wear their pajamas on Saturday.”

“Why’d you leave?” Tony asked.

“Figured it was better to leave before you got all weird on me, just because I’m not what you expected.”

“Kid,” said Tony. “You’re like fourteen. What- what about your parents? What do they think about all of this?”

“I’m fifteen,” Spidey scowled like that made it all so much better. “And I don’t have any parents.”

Tony cringed internally. Insensitive assumptions as always. “Okay, what about your guardian? Surely someone is looking after you.”

“Um, well,” the kid said and Tony did not want to hear what was about to come out of his mouth, did not want his worst-case scenarios to be confirmed. “About that…”

“Oh my God,” Tony said. “You’re- you’re- are you in the foster system? A group home or something?”

His voice was almost desperate and the kid’s face softened as if he felt sorry for Tony to have to learn the truth, as if he was the kid that needed someone to soften the blow. “Not exactly…”

“What does not exactly mean, kid? I mean, do you even have somewhere to sleep? Jesus Christ, are you even eating?”

It was a valid concern, and not the first time the question had occurred to him. He obviously wasn’t eating enough, if his thin frame and slightly sickly pallor was anything to go by. “You know you have a fast metabolism, you can’t just-”

“I know, Mr. Stark,” Spider-Kid said, real irritation showing for the first time since this whole shit show had started. “I do my best, okay? I’ve- I’ve been through the foster system before. It’s not the best place to be. I’d rather just…”

“Live on the streets?” Tony asked, bordering on hysterically horrified. “Kid, are you actually homeless?”

“I mean, I return to the same place to sleep every night, so I guess that’s kind of… home…”

Oh my God, oh my God, Tony’s mind screamed. Spider-Man was homeless. This kid, this child was homeless.

He took a few deep breaths before sitting down next to the kid, Spider-Man suit clutched tightly against his chest. “Okay, so. You’re fifteen, homeless and you were nearly stabbed to death a couple of nights ago. I don’t really know what to do with this information, to be honest. Have I ever mentioned my heart condition to you?”

The kid snorted and looked at Tony, actually, really looked at him face to face for the first time ever. Huge, doe brown eyes were gazing at him with a mind-blowing mixture of hopeful youth and exhausted wisdom. “I think I might have heard something about it.”

Tony dropped the suit into his lap and reached out a hand, placing it on the kid’s shoulder and giving it a squeeze. “What’s your actual name, kid? ‘Cause I gotta be honest, it’s gotten a little hard for me to call you Spider-Man at this point.”

Spidey sighed, his eyes dropping down to gaze at the suit in Tony’s lap for a moment before drifting over to his own. “It’s Peter,” he said softly. “Peter Parker.”

Tony slid his hand off of Peter’s shoulder and offered it for a handshake. “Hi, Peter Parker. I’m Tony Stark.”

Peter rolled his eyes but reached out his own hand to grip Tony’s firmly. If he’d had any doubts about the super strength before…

“Here’s the thing,” Tony said after a few minutes. “I’m, like, kind of mentally unstable and completely unsuitable to take care of another human being. But you seem pretty self-sufficient, just maybe in need of a proper place to sleep with the guarantee of three meals a day, yeah? So I’m thinking, why not just pull an Annie here, right? Have you ever seen Annie?”

Slowly, Peter shook his head, though a small smile was playing on his lips.

“Okay, yeah, I can see how you wouldn’t have time between fighting crime and the Star Wars obsession. Basically, this rich guy takes in this poor little orphan in need of a home for publicity or something, but eventually grows fond of her and they live happily ever after. Sounds pretty unrealistic, but here I am, rich guy, and here you are, in need of a home. I don’t know how well it would go, but maybe you’d be willing to give it a try?”

“Are-are you asking to adopt me or something?”

“I-I mean we can talk about that, I guess,” Tony said, working very hard not to have a panic attack right there on the spot. “But I’m just- There are plenty of rooms at the tower if you want one of them. You could spend the night, and then the night after that if you want. Though it doesn’t really matter if you don’t because I’m not letting you stay out here any longer and I’m not forcing you back into the foster system, but I also don’t want to add kidnapping to my list of crimes so just. Come home with me. Please.”

Peter hesitated. “I’m kind of a handful, Mr. Stark. And I don’t know if you know this or not, but well… I kind of have a secret identity as a vigilante.”

“And would you believe that?” Tony said, holding up the spider suit. “I have a suit made for a vigilante right here. Seems like fate.”

Peter reached out gingerly and took the suit, staring at it with a ridiculous amount of intensity for a teenage boy. “You have been so nice to me. Why?”

Tony shrugged. “Why do you spend your nights fighting crime, helping strangers?”

“I- someone has to. If I don’t, who will?”

“Yeah? Well, someone should be looking after you. I-I’d like to be that someone, if that’s okay.”

Peter’s fingers grazed across the spider emblem on the chest of the suit. “Okay,” he whispered after a moment. “That- that would be okay.”

***

There was a spider on the clearance aisle of Walmart.

Because Tony wasn’t going to let the Christmas season pass with his little orphan Annie receiving nothing but thirteen stitches to commemorate the holiday, he’d gotten the itsy bitsy spider up bright and early on the morning of December 28th and dragged him to the store in his pajamas where they got all of the remaining Christmas candy that was apparently 80% less valuable than it had been three days previous, all because Tony’s parenting skills were top tier.

He’d taken Peter through the drive-thru at Starbucks for a peppermint Frappuccino which he’d promptly had an allergic reaction to, rushed him to the MedBay for the second time in less than a week, and then returned home where Peter immediately crashed on the couch as a result of the lowkey poisoning, Christmas candy sugar high and perhaps the overall exhaustion of his life.

Tony turned on Star Wars and decided to take a nap of his own on the couch beside him.

***

There was a spider in Tony’s penthouse.

Normally, he would feel the need to dispose of it, but this time he let it hang there.

Notes:

thank you so much for reading, and thank you to Jaime and Hailey for hosting this event! I'm a little unsure of the pacing at some points but for the most part I'm very proud of this fic and so excited to share it! Merry Christmas and Happy No Way Home month!! (it BROKE me) omg did I seriously use an exclamation point in every sentence of my notes!? oh well!
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EDIT: 1/8/22: thank you sooo much to whoever nominated this story for the 2022 Irondad Creator Awards! I understand all those celebrities at award shows saying how just the nomination means a lot now bc it really does lmao ♥️♥️