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  1. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Teach is sick of being Blackbeard, the "bad boy of performance art." He decides to take a painting class with famous(ly bland) landscape painter Stede Bonnet.

    If you guessed that they're going to fall in love, you're right.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    22,573
    Chapters:
    14/14
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    160
    Kudos:
    443
    Bookmarks:
    83
    Hits:
    5,168
  2. Tags
    Summary

    There was a man sitting in Stede’s seat.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,092
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    214
    Kudos:
    667
    Bookmarks:
    92
    Hits:
    2,462
  3. Tags
    Summary

    Oluwande works customer service at a dating app and gets a call from a flustered SBonnet.

    (Thanks to Moti-March on Twitter for the inspiration!)

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    713
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    54
    Kudos:
    499
    Bookmarks:
    31
    Hits:
    2,028
  4. Tags
    Summary

    “Let’s make this fucker squirm,” Izzy said.

    “I’ve got just the thing,” Ed replied, still watching that dimple as he hit an opening chord on the Stang. Then he grinned as half the crowd, including Posh Git, jumped half out of their skin.

    “We’re ready on this one?” Ivan asked delightedly. “Fuck yeah, bruv!”

    “Whatever you say, boss,” Izzy said, eyeing him in a way that was perhaps a little more distrusting than he would’ve expected out of his best friend for twenty fucking years, but ok. He shrugged, loosening his shoulders beneath his leather waistcoat, and counted off.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,155
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    31
    Kudos:
    260
    Bookmarks:
    37
    Hits:
    1,330
  5. Tags
    Summary

    While ducking out of a business party/networking event, Ed meets the most fascinating man he's ever encountered, only to shortly find out that Stede is facing down the horrific prospect of an arranged marriage with Benjamin Hornigold, Ed's abusive former boss. There has to be something Ed can do to get him out of it. (They can't make Stede get married if he's already married.)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,061
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    49
    Kudos:
    300
    Bookmarks:
    28
    Hits:
    1,192
  6. Tags
    Summary

    Ed's tattoos have stories to tell.

    ----

    “Now, close your eyes. Try not to think about anything.”

    Stede wonders what kind of game this is, exactly. Ed’s skin is warm as ever under his hand and it’s silly, but he fancies he can feel the small crosses and pin-prick stars as warmer still, heating up against his palm.

    The pulse in Ed’s thumb beats in time with the pulse in Stede’s wrist.

    Ed starts to hum. It’s a low rumble, gently swooping between deep tones; the design under Stede’s hand gets hotter and hotter. It feels red and sharp. Stede feels the vibration of Ed’s humming inside him as though it’s coming from his own chest.

    Stede’s eyes are closed but he sees—feels—knows the room around him is receding. The walls are rushing away. The gentle rocking isn’t the Revenge riding the ocean swell, but their bed floating amongst waves. He can smell a sharp sting of salt and feel a biting wind on his cheeks.

    Ed speaks, but the humming doesn’t stop. “Can you see it?”

    He can.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,213
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    156
    Kudos:
    530
    Bookmarks:
    210
    Hits:
    5,903
  7. Tags
    Summary

    A house on the edge of a cliff, haunted by the ghost of a traitorous pirate. Or at least, so goes the tale. Stede Bonnet believes it, and he could not be more thrilled. A real-life haunted house, with its very own pirate ghost! Who wouldn't want to move right in?

    What he discovers when he meets the ghost is not quite what he expected, and soon Stede finds himself working with his daughter Alma to unravel a centuries-old mystery and right a tragic wrong.

    It's the least he can do for the long-dead man he's grown to love.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    30,959
    Chapters:
    7/7
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    218
    Kudos:
    489
    Bookmarks:
    148
    Hits:
    5,234
  8. Tags
    Summary

    The Colorado River runs dry and sparks thirty years of Water Wars. Blackbeard is the most legendary water pirate in the desert; the Gentleman Pirate broke his heart. Now Stede is searching for the love of his life and Ed is planning his retirement.

    Unfortunately the remaining Cinco Gallos are still looking for Jim and the cults might be right about the biggest conspiracy theory of the last three decades...

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    42,931
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    165
    Kudos:
    199
    Bookmarks:
    66
    Hits:
    2,630
  9. Tags
    Summary

    There is a gun in Stede’s face, a crack as it goes off, and then the body of Chauncey Badminton lies at Stede’s feet. From there, it all kind of spirals. Stede tries his best.

    or

    Stede gets caught in a time loop at the moment where Badminton tries to shoot him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,586
    Chapters:
    12/12
    Collections:
    6
    Comments:
    322
    Kudos:
    1,045
    Bookmarks:
    264
    Hits:
    13,761
  10. Tags
    Summary

    It’s Paris in the summer of 2024, and world-famous diving champion Ed Teach is representing New Zealand in what could be his final Olympics. After coming back from an almost career-ending injury he’s focussed everything he's got on winning gold at these Games, but when he meets Stede Bonnet—a first-time diving rival representing Barbados—at the infamous free condom handout and then discovers they're roommates, he’s suddenly got a lot more to think about.

    As Ed’s synchronisation with his long-term diving partner Izzy Hands begins to falter and Stede struggles with his confidence, believing in each other might be the only thing that gets them both through. In between, they're going to take this brief, fated time together to connect in every possible way they can.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    82,607
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    964
    Kudos:
    1,246
    Bookmarks:
    374
    Hits:
    23,462
  11. Tags
    Summary

    In a last ditch effort to save his crumbling marriage, Stede Bonnet decides to take an early retirement to focus on his family. His plan: to have a beautiful, custom tiny home built in secret to travel the country with his wife and children.

    Edward Teach has been building tiny homes for nearly a decade, and after so many builds under his belt they tend to become standard and repetitive - until an inquiry comes in asking for the most ridiculous, expensive, and quite possibly impossible request he's ever received.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    76,378
    Chapters:
    33/33
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    410
    Kudos:
    427
    Bookmarks:
    99
    Hits:
    7,895
  12. Tags
    Summary

    Stede knows that kissing a handsome man for a scene (many scenes, even) doesn’t mean a thing. It’s the first part of the job an actor must accept: there are roles which will require a level of intimacy that feels real, and in the moment, that realness will aid the performance, but one must understand that what happens when the cameras are rolling means nothing when they’ve stopped.

    This has never been a problem for Stede before. His affections build slowly and even then, he’s not sure he’s ever truly been in love. Fond, yes. Intrigued sexually? Occasionally. But love as a concept is a little elusive; he’s read plenty of romance novels and if they’re an accurate depiction, with the grand declarations and the all-consuming thoughts of holding and kissing and never parting ways… he’s never experienced that.

    Which is why, when he was cast to play Edward’s love interest for a romantic comedy, knowing even then what a handsome man Ed is, he expected it to be a pleasant experience, (fun, even!) but ultimately just like any other role.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    1,366
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    30
    Kudos:
    304
    Bookmarks:
    15
    Hits:
    1,238
  13. Tags
    Summary

    There's a new guy on the lot that is going to sub in after Jack's unfortunate accident, and Ed's already rolling his eyes thinking about who's going to walk through that door. He definitely doesn't expect a kind, funny, caring man to waltz into the room and knock him to his knees (emotionally)...

    inspired by @aiwasensei's masterful drawing for Day 16 of OFMD JanuAUry and @kuinshi25 for their porn names!

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,321
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    44
    Kudos:
    349
    Bookmarks:
    23
    Hits:
    2,243
  14. Tags
    Summary

    Ed's a time travelling soldier from the 22nd century. Stede's a gay nightclub owner in 1934 Berlin. They're about to fall for each other like a ton of bricks.

    Also Spanish Jackie invented time travel, and Izzy's up to something bad, as per usual.

    As Wee John would say, ‘Does it even make sense?’

    Written for JanuAUry, day 16, prompts - time travel, 20th century

    PLEASE read the notes for some content warnings before you read the fic.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    25,265
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    397
    Kudos:
    526
    Bookmarks:
    169
    Hits:
    5,233
  15. Tags
    Summary

    Edward Teach is forty-six when he brings his creation to life.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,240
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    14
    Kudos:
    126
    Bookmarks:
    17
    Hits:
    560
  16. Tags
    Summary

    Stede is divorced, rebuilding a life in the UK and working at Jim's non-profit community centre. His 6-month stay is running out and, well, turns out a fake marriage is an option to stay, because tropes are fun. Ed's got his own shit going on, you'll find out more in later chapters, but he thinks a sham marriage to this weird guy is probably going to at least be a bit of a laugh. Will update weekly.

    ---

    “No, no, absolutely not, Lucius, you didn’t tell me he looked like that!”

    “I don’t know what you mean.”

    “Lucius!” Stede hisses. “He’s gorgeous, we are not doing this!”

    Lucius is saying something but Stede honestly has no idea what it is because blood is pounding in his ears and the pub has almost entirely emptied and this night has very much gotten away from him and the most stunningly beautiful man has just walked in. And Stede has had four glasses of horrible wine and god, all that leather, and Christ almighty, look at his hair. His hair.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    38,568
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    754
    Kudos:
    1,859
    Bookmarks:
    437
    Hits:
    22,766
  17. Tags
    Summary

    The summer of 1940 and the Battle of Britain is raging. Group Captain Edward Teach commands a squadron based on the southeast coast of England in defence of the island from the Nazis.

    One day, a mysterious new pilot, Stede Bonnet, crash lands his way into Ed's life.

    Obviously they're going to fall in love.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    6,124
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    105
    Kudos:
    343
    Bookmarks:
    54
    Hits:
    1,984
  18. Tags
    Summary

    The SMAU (is it even a SMAU?) literally no-one has been waiting for.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    0
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    262
    Kudos:
    814
    Bookmarks:
    154
    Hits:
    4,838
  19. Tags
    Summary

    That’s it. You’re alright. You’re just too damned gorgeous to die, aren’t you? Devil doesn’t want the competition. Reckon you could stick a pitchfork in me any day.

     

    -

    In which Stede is a touch telepath, and Ed has been desperate for someone who understands him.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    48,652
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    7
    Comments:
    171
    Kudos:
    645
    Bookmarks:
    223
    Hits:
    11,086
  20. Tags
    Summary

    “So, is this the culmination of a lifelong dream, for you?” Ed asks.
    “Well, not exactly,” Stede admits. “I’ve just been feeling lately like—" he pauses. “All we have is this one life, you know? And I just felt like I should do more with mine."

     

    Stede Bonnet is ready to wager everything as a contestant on Jeopardy! But one person stands in his way: the mysterious 9-day champion.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    18,657
    Chapters:
    3/3
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    284
    Kudos:
    536
    Bookmarks:
    97
    Hits:
    3,510

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