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Natsuo didn't know what love at first sight meant. He thought it was something that existed just in Fuyumi's fairy tales and the books his mom used to read. It was just a cheesy concept for girls. He changed his mind the day he and his siblings sneaked out of their house for Shouto's birthday and went to the circus that settled in town for the week.
That day, he understood the meaning of it.
That day, he saw it happen, under the red circus tent.
That day, he saw the fire that lit up his brother's eyes.
That day, he finally believed that love was real.
The red and yellow tarp stands stark on the parking lot, a flash of color in the middle of all the grey of the commercial zone. They had to take two buses and walk for what seemed hours before reaching the place, but it was Shouto’s birthday and they promised their baby brother they would make it special. For once, their father wouldn’t be around until the next day and it wasn’t hard to convince their mother to look away just this time. She even gave them a bit of extra money to buy candies.
“I want to see the lions!” Shouto chirps for his perch on Natsuo’s shoulders.
“I don’t know if they have lions, Shou-chan. I hope they have zebras!”
Touya huffs, hands shoved deep in his pockets. “It’s a circus, not a zoo.”
“They have zebras sometimes,” Fuyumi argues. “I read it.”
“Let’s check it out!” Natsuo cuts off before his siblings could bicker any further.
He strides toward the entrance booth, Shouto giggling and tugging on Natsuo’s white strands to keep his balance. Touya and Fuyumi don’t have any other choice than to pick up the pace to keep up with him.
Touya shoves Natsuo away to pay for their tickets because he’s the “big brother” and “in charge”, whatever that means. Natsuo doesn’t mind. He lets his brother play the adult while he takes Shouto toward the cages to see the animals before the show.
There are lions and there are zebras. There are mean llamas that try to eat Touya’s hair and dumb ostriches that poke Fuyumi’s head. Shouto laughs and claps his hands, and the sound is enough to make all of this venture worth any kind of trouble they’ll get in if their father finds out.
Once every cage and pen is thoroughly checked by their baby brother, they finally head to the imposing tent. They’re among the first to take their seats in the first rows, close to the ring. The sugary scents of popcorn and cotton candies tickle Natsuo’s nose and probably Shouto’s given how he’s giving the puppy eye treatment to Touya and Fuyumi. They try to argue but honestly? They stand no chance. Natsuo bites back his snickering when Touya gives up and leaves to get sweets for them all. Shouto turns to Natsuo and gives him a discreet thumbs-up. Brat.
The tension and impatience grow as people fill in the rows. Shouto buzzes next to Natsuo, both with excitement and probably some kind of sugar high. He bombards Fuyumi with thousands of questions their sister tries her best to answer.
Next to Natsuo, Touya looks bored out of his mind, flipping through a book he managed to squish in the back pocket of his ripped jeans.
“Y’know, you could at least pretend you’re happy to be there,” Natsuo drops.
“I don’t like waiting, you know that,” Touya mumbles without looking at his brother. “I told Fuyu we left too early.”
“You never know what could have happened on the way,” Fuyumi protests, her brows furrowed. “At least we had enough time to see the animals before the show!”
Fortunately, their bickering is interrupted by the sudden dark. Only the ring is lit up, revealing a small man standing in the middle, squeezed in a red jacket and tight white pants. The sharp features of his face and black beady eyes remind Natsuo of a mouse, reinforced by the tufts of white hair making like a crown around his head. Weird fellow, really.
“Is it Santa?” Shouto peeps from Touya’s lap where he climbed as soon as the lights went out.
Touya and Natsuo snort in sync and even Fuyumi hides her giggles behind her hand.
“No, it’s not Santa, Shou,” she answers softly. “Now hush.”
The small man seems to look directly at them when he opens his mouth. “Ladies and gentlemen, children and monsters from everywhere, welcome to Yueei Circus! I am Nedzu and I will be your host tonight!” His voice is high-pitched but somehow; it manages to echo between the walls of the tent as if the man was talking into a microphone. “Prepare yourself to laugh and cry! Brace yourself for the magic!”
Natsuo smiles at the way Shouto gasps and grips Touya’s forearms, his mismatched eyes as wide as saucers, completely focused on the tiny ringmaster. The man in red twirls on his shiny black boots, arms spread wide to embrace the audience. “Without further ado, I want you to clap your hands as loud as you can for our very first artist! Please welcome our lovely Ochaco and her companions!”
The music starts, the spotlights turn into pink and white, and the curtains at the back open wide to let through eight galloping white horses. Shouto squeals at the sight, echoed by hundreds of other people and the girl mounted on one of the horses salutes them gracefully.
The artists come and go into the ring, offering their audience a colorful and enchanting parenthesis in their dull lives.
Shouto and Touya tense up and cling to each other when the clowns appear. It’s very hard for Natsuo not to laugh at their constipated faces. Only Fuyumi’s death glare stops him from poking fun at his brothers.
After the lions and tigers disappear with their tamer, a blond guy who roared as loud and looked as fierce as his felines, the circus tent is plunged into the complete dark. A single spotlight is switched on, revealing Nedzu standing there in the white light. A wide grin stretches his lips.
“And for our final number, hold your breath and open your eyes. It’s now Yueei’s most precious treasure’s turn to amaze you. Don’t make a noise, and maybe you’ll be able to catch sight of the rarest bird. Maybe you’ll be able to see the Hawks.”
The light fades and the crowd remains silent.
Natsuo’s eyes strain to try and see something in the darkness. He can feel the press of Fuyumi’s shoulder on his and the body heat of Touya on the other side.
Music fills in the dark, eerie and dreamy and a pair of wings in a kaleidoscope of neon orange and red appears in the middle of the stage, as if they were floating in the air. The wings move and shift, climb up to reach the top of the tent.
The spotlights suddenly turn on and Natsuo gasps, like the rest of the spectators. Wrapped into red silk, a blond man is hanging upside down. The neon wings that seemed to float earlier stand stark on the bare skin of his back.
Hawks greets the public with a wide smile and a wave of his free hand. Shouto answers in kind, his grin splitting his face in two. Hawks tangles his legs in the large ribbons and stands up.
He twists and turns with graceful movements, sliding up and down the silk. Every motion is controlled and smooth. Everything flows; everything seems easy. However, even from where he sits, Natsuo can see the roll of muscles and the tension in his arms and legs.
Suddenly, Hawks falls from several meters, unrolling the silk wrapped around his waist and Shouto lets out a frightened shriek, like most of the public.
Natsuo turns his head to reassure his baby brother but he pauses. Touya’s eyes are wide, his mouth slightly agape. He doesn’t move. Natsuo is not even sure he’s still breathing. There’s a light in his blue eyes, a flush on his cheeks Natsuo’s never seen before. He stares at his older brother, confused. This artist is good, yeah, but—
Another collective gasp drags his attention back to Hawks. The aerial dancer is wriggling up there again. He twirls and once more, his head is hanging toward the floor, his legs and waist tangled in the silk. And suddenly he’s moving around the ring. Hawks’ fingers grip the red fabric and with a flick of his wrists, the silks are spread wide and the spotlights reveal the feather patterns on them, hidden in the folds until now. The lights reflect on the shiny fabric, give life to the golden feathers, and it’s easy to believe they are real wings. Hawks keeps dancing in the ropes as he flies above their heads, graceful twists of strong legs, arms flexing and shoulders rolling. Shouto extends his little hands to try and touch the red fabric.
The music picks up and Hawks follows the tempo with faster motions, sharper twists and turns. The red silks float behind him, like an extension of his body, almost as mesmerizing as the way Hawks wraps himself into them.
Natsuo can’t help but glance again at Touya. His brother seems to be in another world, where only he and Hawks exist.
Hawks slides down the silks to the point that it’s easy to see his features the next time he flies over them and his fingers touch Shouto’s ones, eliciting an excited cry from their baby brother. Hawks lands on the ground with a last graceful twist, finally free from the red fabric.
The crowd applauses widely, whistles and enthusiastic shouts echo between the tarp walls. Touya is transfixed. He doesn’t clap his hands, doesn’t move; his eyes still strained on Hawks.
The artist turns on the heels of his bare feet, arms widely extended. Hawks’ chest is heaving as he tries to catch his breath, but he looks proud and happy. He bows in every direction before stopping in front of their row. Natsuo can feel Touya freeze next to him when the artist strolls toward them. Hawks jumps on the railing and Natsuo can see the details of the heavy make-up around the golden eyes and the sheen of sweat on his tanned skin.
Hawks withdraws a red feather from one of his black pants’ pockets and hands it to a gaping Shouto. “For almost catching me, little sparrow.”
Natsuo can’t miss the way Hawks’ gaze is locked on Touya’s instead of Shouto. There’s something almost palpable between them.
And Natsuo understands.