Work Text:
Making Love Out Of Nothing At All
I know just how to whisper
And I know just how to cry
I know just where to find the answers
And I know just how to lie
I know just how to fake it
And I know just how to scheme
I know just when to face the truth
And then I know just when to dream
Ben Solo was completely and irrevocably in love with Rey Kanata. He had been since the first moment he laid eyes on her; the day he had opened the door to interview his potential new roommate and had decided there and then, without any sort of questioning, that it would be her.
She was a mess. A complete and utter clusterfuck of a human that tore into his life like a hurricane, changing him and claiming him for her own. He was marked, his heart now only beat for her alone. With her hair in those three buns that he was sure on anyone else would look completely ridiculous. She had hazel eyes; bright, open, but most of all, sad. And Ben ached to take away that sadness. He’d do anything she asked.
The day she’d moved in, he knew with every part of him that he was a goner. He also knew that she would never love him back. He’d asked her if she had a significant other, treading the waters to see if he had any competition, and she’d laughed in response. Her smile was beautiful, breathtaking…until, of course, she had told him that she didn’t believe in love or relationships and that she never, ever, under any circumstances wanted to be in one.
So, since then, Ben has been her friend…her very best friend. Which was fine, really. He loved her like a soulmate. She loved him like a buddy. These things happened, he supposed. And had been happening for the past two years.
Of course, Rey was totally unaware of the fact. And he planned to keep it that way. Even now, as he fucked her just how she liked it. Her walls clenching around him as she gripped onto his back for dear life.
Yes, Ben Solo was in love and fucking Rey Kanata, though the two acts weren’t supposed to be linked. His life almost complete, minus the small fact that she didn’t feel the same. Their friends with benefits idea had started almost six months ago. Rey waltzing into his room in her underwear and telling him she was horny. She’d been so blas
é
about it, proposing that they fuck if he was up for it, that they could scratch that itch with someone they actually cared about and trusted, having no idea that he’d dreamt about being with her more times than he could count. That when he hid in his room, jacking off, it was always, always over her. So, he faked his nonchalance, saying he was down if she was and here they were…fucking almost daily and acting like two best friends who were helping each other out.
“Harder...fuck, Ben…yup, there,” she moaned loudly, her nails digging into his back as he continued to slide in and out of her tight heat.
It was always these moments, the ones where he was so close to losing himself in her that he nearly admitted everything; those three words that were screaming throughout his body on the tip of his tongue as he rocked within her. The sweat was dripping off his body onto her own, one of his hands holding onto the headboard as he quickened his pace, his powerful thrusts almost moving her entire body.
Rey liked it rough, which was good, because so did he. But sometimes, just sometimes he wished they could go slower, take their time so he could worship every inch of her body. She didn’t want that, though. And, Ben, he would take any part of her that she would give. Even if it meant he was just her fuck buddy till the day he died.
“You feel so good, Rey, so fucking tight.”
His free hand moved to her clit, rubbing it in quick circular motions to get her where she needed to be. It didn’t take long, which he was secretly thankful for; being inside Rey without cumming almost instantly was always a challenge.
“Shit...I’m gonna...fuck…”
He watched as Rey’s eyes rolled to the back of her head, her orgasm sweeping through her body as she clamped around him. This was what made everything worth it; seeing Rey like this, so open, so raw...free. She was never more beautiful than what she was in this moment; gushing all over his cock. His other hand moved to the headboard and he roared, rutting into her so hard and fast as she whimpered, her orgasm still thumping throughout her body. His followed only a few thrusts later as he emptied himself inside her cunt, groaning her name over and over into her neck before biting it softly.
Yes, Ben Solo was truly fucked; in love with a girl he could never have, but too selfish to give up any part of her she would give.
And I know just where to touch you
And I know just what to prove
I know when to pull you closer
And I know when to let you loose
And I know the night is fading
And I know the time's gonna fly
And I'm never gonna tell you everything I've gotta tell you
But I know I've gotta give it a try
“You want me to stop, Rey?” He was smirking, enjoying when he looked up from in between her legs to find her eyes closed and her mouth open.
They were in public; in an empty lecture hall at the University where she worked. He’d come to take her out for lunch, something they did most days, but this time he’d been hungry for something else entirely. Not that she minded, she never did and for that, he was thankful.
Her legs were splayed on the desk, her plaid skirt up at her waist as he held her lace panties to the side. She was positively glistening, her bare cunt right in his face as he licked a long stripe up it, and stopping as he waited for her answer.
“Well? Tell me. Should I stop?”
“Fuck you, Ben Solo,” she gritted out, finally opening her eyes to stare at him.
“You want me to fuck you? But I’m having so much fun doing this, aren’t you enjoying it,
Rey?”
He was playing with her and he knew for a fact she was enjoying every second. That was one thing he supposed was good about them being best friends; she told him everything. Exactly what she liked and didn’t like in bed, what she wanted him to do to her and she knew what she said was received by him without judgement, that no feelings would be hurt.
“Finish what you started or so help me God!” She grabbed his hair, pushing him into her core again and he laughed. She was impatient, always had been.
Instead of giving into her, he pulled back again, his lips wet with her arousal as he licked them wolfishly. Rey groaned, her eyes like daggers as they bore into his own. She really was a spitfire; it was one of the many things he loved about her. A fighter, through and through, especially after the shit hand of cards she’d been dealt growing up; abandoned as a child, left alone by anyone that ever loved her. It helped him understand her, understand why she didn’t let anyone close...anyone but him, but even then, it was still at arm's length.
“You didn’t answer me. What do you want? For me to continue? You said not at your place of work...yet here we are.”
“I’ve said many things, Ben...but yes, here we are.”
He smile faded then as he took in her face; suddenly softer than it had been only moments before, like she had let him in on some deep, dark secret. He wasn’t sure what she meant, or why she was looking at him like this. And of course, he was too scared to ask her.
The silence grew between them, before she huffed, her face turning back to sheer determination as she spoke, “You are going to lick my cunt until I come, okay? Then you better bend me over this goddamn desk and fuck me into next week. Got it, Ben?” She splayed her legs even wider, inviting him back in.
He didn’t need to be told twice. All thoughts of their odd moment before forgotten as he licked, sucked and bit her to orgasm twice on his tongue, before doing exactly what she said and fucking her into next week.
Whatever Rey Kanata wanted, Ben Solo would give her.
And I know the roads to riches
And I know the ways to fame
I know all the rules and then I know how to break 'em
And I always know the name of the game
But I don't know how to leave you
And I'll never let you fall
And I don't know how you do it
Making love out of nothing at all
Out of nothing at all, out of nothing at all
Out of nothing at all, out of nothing at all
Out of nothing at all
Making love out of nothing at all
Rey was crying, he could hear her from his room. She did this sometimes, maybe once or twice a month when she thought he was out, or playing his music. She didn’t like people to see her like this; she saw it as weak. The thing was, he saw it completely differently and it hurt that he couldn’t be there for her in times like this. The first time he had found her like that he’d tried to comfort her and she’d shut down, masking whatever she was feeling with indifference.
It was moments like this when the fact that he was just her friend hit hard; he could pretend it was something more when he was inside her, or when they were cuddling on the couch watching Netflix for hours on end, even when they were out in public together, she would sometimes jump on his back and he’d run down the street, her legs swinging from either side. It made the whole being in love with her thing that much easier. Like maybe, just maybe she saw them as something more too. Until now.
He wanted to be the person she ran to when she was feeling like this; he wanted to comfort her, hold her close and let her know that she wasn’t alone. That she would never be alone, not while he was still breathing. He tried not to be hurt about it, but he couldn’t help it. She gave him so much of herself; her friendship, her body…but never, ever her heart, her hurt, the things that really mattered.
He switched his headphones on, trying to drown out the cries that were echoing around the small apartment; but it was no use. She was all he could feel, all he could see. The fact that she was in pain, it killed him and feeling completely and utterly useless only made it even worse. He needed to do something, anything.
Ben took a deep breath, deciding that he would try one last time to break through those walls. He quietly opened his door and walked down the landing till he was outside her room. The door was slightly ajar and he could see her, sitting on her bed with a photo of her parents in her hand as she cried, the tears free falling down her gorgeous face. His heart ached at the sight.
He didn’t back away, instead he just opened the door, watching as she noticed him enter and quickly hid the photo in her side drawer. There was no use; he knew what it was and Rey was aware of the fact.
“What?”
She was going to shut him down; he could see it already.
“You’re crying,” he stated the obvious, walking closer to her bed.
“And?”
“And, I want to check that you are okay.”
She wiped the remaining tears off her cheeks with the corner of her large shirt. He could see she was trying to compose herself; to put those pesky walls back in place before he made any ground.
“I’m fine,” she said simply, not looking at him in the eyes.
“Try again.”
“I said I’m fine, Ben. Drop it,” she replied, her voice stern.
He was well aware he was treading on very dangerous ground right now; usually when this happened he conceded, walking away and both of them acting like nothing had transpired the next day. But not tonight. He had to try. They had been getting closer and closer recently, something was changing, he was sure of it. He just had to let her see he would fight for her, that he was here.
“No. I won’t drop it. You’re hurting. I hate it. I want you to know I’m here for you, Rey.” He was finally at the edge of her bed, rocking back and forward on the balls of his feet as he watched her.
“For now,” she whispered, a fresh tear rolling down her cheek.
“For now? What does that mean?” He screwed up his face, not quite understanding what she was getting at.
“People always leave. You will too. It’s fine. I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?”
“I’m not going to leave, Rey. You’re…you’re my ev- you’re my best friend,” he said softly, changing his response last minute; now was most definitely not the time to tell her how he felt. It would only end in disaster.
“You are, just like my parents. If they couldn’t love me, couldn’t stay with me. How the fuck is there any hope anyone else will? You think I don’t know how this plays out? You’ll fuck me for now, it works. But soon, someday you will find a girl, and of course she will be perfect and everything you deserve,” Rey sniffled and sat up straighter in her bed as she continued, “And you will settle down, move out of here, be happy and get married and all that other shit. And me, well, I will be alone all over again.”
He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, how she could even think this was a possibility. When it was the exact opposite; the only person he would ever settle down with was sitting in front of him. His heart reaching out to be joined with her own.
“I am not your parents, Rey and you are not alone, ever. I am not going anywhere. I promise you. I swear.”
He sat down, taking her shaky hand in his own and squeezing it reassuringly. This was longer than she had ever let him stay when she felt like this. He just needed her to know that what he was saying was true. He couldn’t imagine ever being with someone that wasn’t her. It just wouldn’t happen, end of story.
“You say that now…”
“No. I mean it.”
“We shall see.”
“We shall.”
“Ben?” She looked nervous.
“Rey?”
“Will you stay with me tonight?” Her head was down, unable to look at him in the eye.
They had fucked, many times…but sleeping together, in a bed? Never. He had never asked and she had always left. Simple. His heart started to beat wildly as the words she had just spoken played on a loop in his head.
“Yes, of course.”
She pulled back the covers, motioning for him to come in and he did, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to his body. She smelt heavenly; her soft hair against his nose, her hands covering his own that were currently around her midsection. If this was the only night she would give him of this; he would die a happy man.
“Ben?”
They were in darkness now, the only thing that could be heard was their small breaths and the beating of their hearts.
“Yes?”
“I need you.”
“Anything.”
They had sex that night; Ben taking away Rey’s pain in the best way he knew how.
Everytime I see you all the rays of the sun are
Streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky is taking aim at
Your eyes like a spotlight
The beating of my heart is a drum, and it's lost
And it's looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness at the pit of the night
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright
I've gotta follow it 'cause everything I know
Well, it's nothing 'til I give it to you
She looked stunning; though she always did. But right now, in that dark green dress that she was wearing, she took his breath away. It fit her body like a glove, highlighting her beautiful curves that drove him wild. It wasn’t fair that he didn’t get to call her his. In his head, he did, but to everyone else, they were just close friends.
They were out for drinks with their friends and he knew he’d have to keep his hands off her, which was a challenge within itself. Every part of his body buzzed with the need to lean over and wrap his arms around her, to pull her close and never let go. Especially right now, when he noticed men at the bar watching her, admiring her from afar. His hands fell into fists at the side of the table as he glared at them, hoping to catch their attention and make his intentions clear.
“You okay, man?” Poe asked from his left, looking at him knowingly.
Ben knew he was completely transparent, especially to Poe. His friend had made dozens of comments about Rey to him before, trying to pry some sort of confession from him; but Ben never relented. He didn’t need another person to remind him that she would never feel the same way, that it was a losing battle. He told himself this daily, confirmation of the fact would only make him feel even worse.
“Yeah, fine,” he replied sharply, now gripping the table as he tried to control his armour.
“Hmmm, looks to me like you’re pissed about that guy over there staring at our Rey, no?” Poe raised an eyebrow, his voice low enough that no one else at the table could hear him; Ben was happy they were too busy laughing at Finn for spilling his fifth drink all down his white shirt.
“Will you be quiet!” He didn’t know how long their attention would be off his and Poe’s conversation and the last thing he needed was Rey overhearing this.
“They can’t hear me, calm down, Solo. You know…you really should just tell her.”
“Tell her what?”
“Um, that you’re madly in love with her.”
Ben’s head whipped around to face his friend, his face like thunder as he took in the large smirk Poe had planted on his smug face. Ben was even angrier now, but for a completely different reason.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“She feels the same way.”
“Stop it.”
Ben didn’t want to hear this, knew that it wasn’t true. Only in his dreams could he truly have her the way he longed for, not in reality. Poe was just saying this to make him feel better, but it wasn’t working, in fact it only made things a whole lot worse. The horrible sick feeling in his stomach almost making him retch. When Ben had to truly face the fact that he would never have her, well, the pain was almost unbearable.
“I’m telling the truth. We all think it…how can you not see it?” Poe was still speaking softly, being mindful of the other people at the table.
“Because it’s not true. I know her. I know what she wants from life and it is not me. End of story.”
Ben effectively ended the conversation and abruptly got up from the table, making his way to the bar and ordering a shot of whiskey, needing something to dull the pain. He took the amber liquid back quickly, needing a buzz of some sort. Hearing Poe say she felt the same, it fucked with his head. Made him think of things he shouldn’t.
He stood at the bar awhile, deep in thought as he felt a small hand clasp onto his arm. He’d know that hand anywhere; the electricity shooting from the place she touched him.
“Ben, are you okay?” her voice so sweet and he tried to resist facing her; but as always, he answered her call.
Her face was screwed, concern evident on her features; she cared about him, that he knew to be true. But love? She had said she didn’t believe in it. That couldn’t have changed. It wasn’t possible…but, the way she was looking at him, like he’d looked at her so many times before, it warmed his heart and filled it up so much he was sure it would burst.
“I’m fine. I’m just tired. It was a long day at the office and yeah. I’m just glad to be spending time with you,” he whispered softly, his hand resting on hers.
“Me too. It makes the shit days worth it.”
“It does.”
“And, I know exactly how to cheer you up,” she said, a wicked smile on her face.
“You do?”
He was pretty sure she meant sex and in all honesty, it would cheer him up. It was probably exactly what he needed right now; all this pent up energy roaring throughout him and needing some sort of release that only Rey could give.
This was there go-to, their safe space.
“Come, dance with me, Ben Solo.”
He nearly choked on his own tongue.
Dance
. For one, he was absolutely shit at it, but for second...they had never, ever danced before. It felt different, like something more. And he didn’t hesitate when she grabbed his hand, pulling him out to follow her onto the dancefloor.
I can make the runner stumble
I can make the final block
I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle
I can make all the stadiums rock
I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
I can make you every promise that has ever been made
And I can make all your demons be gone
Ben was in heaven. Swaying back and forth with Rey in his arms. The song was slow, perfect, a melody that had a rise and fall, a meaning, and he lived for every single moment of it. Rey’s gaze never left his, his heart beating wildly in his chest. This was different. And he wasn’t sure what had changed, or when, even. Sure, since that night in her bedroom, the one where he had stayed in bed with her, they hadn’t gone a night apart since. He’d go to bed alone and wake up to Rey slithering in beside him, wrapping her body around him. He boiled it down to the fact that she didn’t like sleeping alone. But maybe, just maybe he had been wrong.
They also had had a lot more sex, which was crazy, because they had already been fucking every goddamn day. But now, she wanted more and more, like she couldn’t get enough. It was still hard and fast and wet and just...
them
. But something, something was different.
“I like this song,” she said softly, now leaning her head on his chest.
He peered over her shoulder, having a quick look at their friends and was happy to find them deep in conversation. He didn’t want anyone interfering or ruining this moment. She hummed against his chest and it vibrated, reminding him of a cat purring when you scratched behind its ears. She was a kitten, his kitten and he was never going to let her go.
“You do? Ah, you do. I’m sure I heard you play it on repeat one day.”
“You didn’t complain.”
“I never do,” he replied simply and it was the truth. If something made her happy, then he was all for it.
“You’re perfect, you know that?” And she meant it. He could tell by the way she looked at him, her eyes confirming what she had spoken.
He shook his head, embarrassed, feeling his face heat at her words. He didn’t know how she could call him perfection when she was standing there, the complete embodiment of the word.
“How drunk are you?” he joked, trying to lighten to the mood, not knowing how else to answer.
“Drunk enough to know how I feel, Ben. To be honest with you, for once,” she said softly, almost a whisper as her hands moved to hold onto either side of his face.
They were still swaying, but their bodies moved even closer, her chest pushed against his own. Their bodies had been joined as one more times than they could count, but this was completely new territory for them. Ben’s head was swimming, waiting for him to wake up from what he could only describe as a dream. He’d wished for this, wished for her since the first time he laid eyes on her.
“And how,” he said, clearing his throat before continuing, “How do you feel?”
“Like I love you.”
It sounded like a simple confession, like the words she had just spoken weren’t completely life-altering, like she hadn’t just pierced his soul.
“You said you didn’t believe in love. You said… you laughed when I asked you about it.” He thought back to that first day, to how she had explained to him she couldn’t think of anything worse than being tied to one person for life, only for them to leave.
“I was wrong. I know that now. You made me see the truth; love doesn’t make us weak, it only makes us strong.” Her small hands were warm against his hot face as he leaned in, not quite believing his ears. “You changed me, and for the better. I’ve wanted to tell you for months, I just wasn’t sure if you felt the same…I wasn’t sure that you were going to stay. But you said you would, and you did. And I love you, so much, it consumes me, Ben.”
He could feel it; his chest beating wildly and the small, lone tear that fell down his cheeks. Her declaration was a surprise, but a welcomed one. Something that he had never thought possible; never allowed himself to think about too much, scared he would never recover from the heartbreak.
She looked up at him, her own eyes teary as she waited for his response.
“Rey, beautiful Rey. I can’t believe it…fuck, I can’t believe it. I’ve wanted, no, I’ve needed you since the first moment I saw you. I love you too, with every fibre of my being and I will never, ever leave you. No matter what happens or where we go in life, I promise you that the one constant you will have is that I will be by your side.”
Her smile was almost blinding, the happiness that he felt mirrored on her own face. She loved him. She actually loved him. He felt like a fool for not picking up on it sooner, for not reading the signs she had been throwing him. Ben could have had her, properly, months ago. He would not waste anymore precious time.
They met halfway, their mouths merging as one as he kissed her deeply, pouring his love and want into every stroke of his tongue. His large arms wrapped around her waist, so now there was no space between any part of their bodies. He heard their friends cheer from the table they had been sitting at, but ignored them. This was about them, it was about Rey and the fact that after all this time he had her, truly had her.
For the first time in his entire life, with Rey standing in his arms, Ben Solo was whole.
But I'm never gonna make it without you
Do you really wanna see me crawl
And I'm never gonna make it like you do
Making love out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all
(Making love) out of nothing at all