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John Thornton inspected his image in his bedroom mirror as he adjusted his cravat. All was prepared for his annual New Year’s Eve dinner. He and his mother hosted it every year for Milton’s masters and other friends. John would have gladly skipped the celebration this year. Especially with the financial troubles of the mill, it seemed to him like a frivolous waste of money. His mother had insisted, however, that they must continue their tradition and keep up appearances in the town. John understood her reasoning and had reluctantly agreed, but he inwardly sighed to think of the tedious evening ahead. He would much rather spend the evening working in his office than in shallow small talk with Milton’s society.
John’s thoughts turned to what he most dreaded about the evening. Somehow, it was what he most looked forward to as well - seeing Margaret Hale. Ever since his failed proposal, when she had rejected him so vehemently, John had found it tortuous to be in her company. Even more so after he had seen her in the arms of another man at the train station late at night. John agonized again over who her mysterious lover was, and why they had conducted themselves so furtively. He would not have believed Margaret could behave in such a shameful way, but then she had lied to a police inspector about her presence at the station that night.
Who was the scoundrel that could influence Margaret to behave in such a way? John knew that if it had been himself who was blessed with Margaret's affections, he would never have done anything that would disgrace her. He would have honored her with everything he had, all that he was… But those kinds of thoughts served no purpose. John grimaced at his reflection, and turned to walk downstairs and prepare to meet his guests.
Margaret Hale entered the crowded drawing room of the Thornton residence on her father's arm. She had considered declining the Thorntons’ invitation for their New Year’s festivities, but she believed that the chance to get out of the house would be good for her grieving father. Besides Mr. Thornton's visits, her father had barely spoken to anyone these last several weeks besides herself and their maid, Dixon. She hoped the evening might help him emerge a bit from the deep gloom that had settled over their lives since her mother's passing. She was not anticipating that the party would bring much comfort to herself, however. After losing her friend Bessie to illness, Margaret had not found anyone in Milton with the potential to be a true friend. Not except the one man to whom she was now disgraced, and who wanted nothing to do with her.
Margaret's gaze wandered across the room to the tall form of that very man standing by the fireplace in conversation with other masters. A sadness gripped her heart as she considered what could have been. Had she made different choices, even now she might be standing next to him, on his arm. Too late she had realized his true worth, too late she had discovered the secrets of her own heart and her own feelings for John Thornton. But now that could never be. He despised her and thought her a degraded woman. He knew she had lied to the inspector, as he had seen her himself at the station that night. While her motives had been pure, only seeking to protect her brother Frederick, she now regretted that lie to her very soul. She knew now it had cost her the good regard of the only man she would ever care for.
Margaret’s gloomy thoughts were interrupted by the approach of Fanny Thornton. “Oh, Miss Hale! We are so glad you could come!” The young woman gave Margaret a bright smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, leaving Margaret in doubt of the sincerity of Fanny’s sentiments. “And you know Ann Latimer, of course.” The beautiful woman at Fanny’s side nodded her head at Margaret. Margaret had no doubts at all about Ann’s unwelcoming greeting.
“What a lovely gown, Miss Hale. I believe I saw something very similar in London two or three years ago. It was quite the fashion then.”
Margaret chose to overlook the implied insult. “Thank you, Miss Latimer. Your dress is beautiful as well.”
“I had this one made in Paris. Mother insisted we use only the finest dressmakers on the continent. I must make a good showing of course, when I am married to one of Milton’s finest businessmen.”
This was a surprise to Margaret. “Oh, are you to be married?”
“Well, nothing is official yet of course…” Ann replied with a calculated blush, and a shared glance with Fanny.
Fanny giggled. “Well, Ann, is it not fortunate that Mr. Watson is courting me, so he can give me a New Year’s kiss this year. Which means my brother just happens to be free…” The girls shared sly smiles.
Margaret felt a chill in her heart. Was John Thornton courting Ann Latimer? Margaret knew she had no claim over him, she had given up any right to be jealous. But the thought of John giving Ann a New Year’s kiss made Margaret feel ill. She suddenly wished she had not come to the party.
“Who will you kiss at midnight, Miss Hale?” Ann looked shrewdly at Margaret. “You must kiss someone, you know, it is bad luck otherwise!”
“Oh, I shall kiss my father, of course,” replied Margaret.
The look Ann gave Margaret managed to be both sympathetic and disdainful. “Yes, of course. Your father.” Ann’s face suddenly brightened into an innocent smile as John Thornton approached their group. “Why, Mr. Thornton! We were just talking about you.” Ann immediately hooked her arm through his, causing John to look a little disgruntled.
“Talking about me?” John glanced at Margaret. His look was cold and Margaret quickly looked down, a blush on her cheeks. Since the night at the station, his manner to her had been chillingly polite but distant. She knew he despised her, and each time he looked at her so indifferently it felt like a knife in her heart.
“Yes, since I will be kissing Mr. Watson at midnight this year, you are free to kiss Ann.” Fanny gave a mischievous smile to her brother.
John turned a startled look to his sister. “Mr. Watson? But I always kiss you at midnight, Fanny. It is our tradition.”
“Oh John, I’m not a child anymore. I do not need my brother to give me a New Year’s kiss.”
“You do not have to be a child to kiss your family member, Fanny. Look at Miss Hale. She is going to kiss her father. It is a perfectly respectable choice for a woman who is not fortunate enough to have a beau.” The condescension in Ann’s tone was impossible to miss.
Margaret flushed at the obvious insult. John’s voice cut through her anger and embarrassment. “Indeed, Mr. Hale is very fortunate to be the recipient of such devotion.” Margaret wondered for a moment if John was mocking her. She looked up but saw only a sad melancholy in his eyes. John glanced quickly away, and then turned to Ann. “I believe it is time for dinner, Miss Latimer.” John guided her toward the dining room, followed by Fanny. Margaret turned and saw her father coming near, and took his arm to go in to dinner.
John struggled to focus on the conversations at the dinner table. Miss Latimer was keeping up a constant stream of inane chatter that fortunately did not seem to require too much response from him. He had not been blind to the malicious manner in which Ann had spoken to Margaret, and it had angered him. He had wanted to say more to defend Margaret, but when she had looked up at him with those hurt, soulful eyes he had lost all ability to speak eloquently. And after all, he did not have the right to be her protector. She had not granted him that right. He had only had the quickness of mind enough to remove Miss Latimer from Margaret’s presence. And now the spiteful Ann beside him presumed to think that she would be the recipient of his New Year’s kiss… John felt repulsed at the thought. John would have to make sure he made himself scarce before midnight. There was only one woman John had any desire to kiss, and she was lost to him. She loved another man. She would even embrace that man in the dark, and tell lies for him.
John shook himself from these grim thoughts and glanced down the table where Margaret sat next to her father. Margaret was very quiet, hardly speaking throughout the dinner. Her manner appeared sad and dejected. John felt a pain in his heart, and longed to be able to bring some comfort to her. No matter how much she had hurt him, he could not stand to see her in pain. He wanted so much to reach out to her, but knew she would not welcome his friendship, let alone the love he longed to share with her.
And yet, he reflected, her manner to him had seemed to be different recently. He thought over his encounters with her at her father’s house in the past few weeks. She had seemed to want to approach him, to speak with him. He was the one who had been avoiding her. But he had not seen any of her previously haughty manner or disdainful comments. He might even be at risk of thinking her opinion of him had changed, but no, that hope was too dangerous. He had only to recall her face as she embraced the man at Outwood station, so full of affection, of love… No, Margaret was forever out of his reach. He must put her out of his mind, at least as much as he could. He knew he would forever love her, there was no hope for that. His heart was lost and he would never regain it.
When the ladies retired to the drawing room after dinner, the gentlemen gathered to talk over their drinks. As Mr. Hale approached him, John noticed the older man was looking rather pale and tired.
“John, thank you so much for your hospitality this evening. The dinner was excellent.”
“Thank you, Mr. Hale, it was nothing. I am most glad to have your company this evening.” He paused. “I hope you know I would do anything I can to help you or bring you some comfort. I know what a difficult time this has been for you. I greatly value your friendship.”
“As I do yours, John.” John could see tears forming in Mr. Hale’s eyes. “I am feeling rather tired, I believe this has been enough for me for the evening. I am going to walk back to Crampton.”
“Let me fetch my carriage for you,” John replied quickly. “You do not need to walk that far. I will find Miss Hale…”
“Thank you for the carriage, John, but do not send for Margaret. She will feel compelled to accompany me home and I want her to stay and enjoy herself. She so seldom gets the chance to spend time with young ladies her own age.”
“If you are sure, Mr. Hale,” John privately doubted that Margaret found any of the young women present that evening as good company. “I can have my carriage take Miss Hale home at the end of the night.”
“Thank you, John. Enjoy yourself tonight. Be sure to give a New Year’s kiss to some lovely lady.”
John wondered at the sly look in Mr. Hale’s eye as he turned to make his way out of the room.
Margaret had listened politely as the young ladies of Milton played the piano and sang after dinner. While Fanny’s playing was rather hard on the ears, Ann had shown herself to be a quite proficient player and had a lovely soprano. While she sang a lyrical love song, she cast obvious glances at John Thornton. Margaret wondered if John and Ann had an understanding. Ann was certainly quite beautiful. Jealousy was not a familiar emotion to Margaret, but she knew that was what was gripping her heart now. She glanced over at John. He did not seem to be returning Ann’s amorous gazes, and rather seemed to be intent on looking anywhere else.
After Ann was finished playing, Fanny approached the chair where Margaret was seated. “Was that not lovely? Ann is so musical. She studied with the best teachers on the continent.”
“Yes, she is very talented.”
“Indeed. Mother is so taken with her. She is so proper and stylish. She has all the qualities John will need in a wife.”
“Yes,” was all Margaret could manage to this. Her heart squeezed in her chest.
“Oh, I forgot,” Fanny gasped. “John told me to tell you that your father was tired and he went home. But do not worry, he said we will send you home in our carriage at the end of the night.”
“Oh dear,” replied Margaret. “Perhaps I should go home now and check on him.”
“Nonsense! You must stay, it is almost midnight! You must get a New Year’s kiss!”
“Yes, Miss Hale,” Ann appeared on Margaret’s other side. “You must not think of leaving yet. I’m sure we can still find someone who would be willing to give you a New Year’s kiss. Perhaps Mr. Anderson, or Mr. Lewis! He is a little old but he still has some of his hair…”
“No, no, really, no, thank you.” Margaret stood up and began to move away from the two women. “If you will excuse me, I need to get some air.” Margaret made her way across the room and into the hall. She felt a tightness in her throat and stinging in her eyes, and she did not want to burst into tears in front of anyone here. Especially not Ann Latimer.
Margaret made her way to a side door and slipped outside. The night was quiet, with only the murmur of a light wind, and the moon emerged from behind a cloud to shed some light on the empty mill yard.
Margaret sank down on the stairway and felt sobs catch in her throat as tears began to trickle down her face. Why had she come this evening? To have to see Ann Latimer and John Thornton together, to see Ann’s hand on his arm, to see him kiss her at midnight… And to think how different this evening could have been. Margaret could have been his wife by now. This would be her home; they would be welcoming their guests together, her own hand on his arm. It would be Margaret who would receive his New Year’s kiss.
Why had she taken so long to understand him, the quality of man he was? Why had she not understood her own heart, the strength of her feelings for him? She had always reacted so strongly to his presence, to himself - for so long she had thought she disliked him. How long it had taken her until she had realized the source of her feelings, the strength of her attraction, her love… For yes, Margaret could now acknowledge to herself she loved him. Now that she had no hope, now that she had coldly rejected him and his heart, now she knew that she loved him. And she knew she had lost her chance forever.
As Margaret contemplated the night sky and breathed in the crisp, cool air, her tears gradually began to slow. Margaret suddenly heard footsteps behind her, and frantically dabbed at her eyes and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. She looked up and was surprised to find herself looking into John Thornton’s face. “Miss Hale,” He looked down at her with concern. “Are you all right?”
“Yes, forgive me, I just needed some fresh air.” Margaret knew her puffy eyes and tear-streaked face belied her words. John continued to regard her without speaking. “Do not worry, Mr. Thornton, I am all right. Do not feel compelled to stay with me. It must be nearly midnight. I would not want you to miss your New Year’s kiss.”
At this John looked away from Margaret into the distance. After a few moments he sat on the stair beside her. “To tell the truth, Miss Hale, that is why I came out here. There is no lady in that house whom I would wish to kiss.”
Margaret looked with surprise at him. “No? I was under the impression…” but she did not continue. John gave her a questioning look. “Actually, I also wanted to avoid the kiss at midnight. Since Father went home I did not want to be pressured into kissing any of the other men.”
“I understand, Miss Hale. I should have considered that when your father requested that you stay.” John leaned back a little against the steps. “Fanny has attended our New Year’s Eve party since she was young, and I have always made certain that I gave her the New Year’s kiss. I would not have wanted her to feel uncomfortable with any other man trying to kiss her.”
“You are a very good brother, Mr. Thornton.” John gave a dismissive shake of his head. “No, really. So many men would not consider that. Mr. Thornton…” Margaret looked down at her hands and spoke quickly. “Mr. Thornton, I know you do not want to hear it, but please allow me to express how grateful I am for all you have done for me and my family. You cannot know how much I appreciate it. I know I have spoken coldly to you in the past, but I really do have great respect for you… I know some of the things I have said to you… I have great regrets…”
At this John looked at her sharply, a haunted look in his eyes. Margaret found herself unable to hold his gaze. Flustered, Margaret looked down and continued… “But as I was saying, you are a good brother, to look after Fanny like that. It is just as Frederick would have done for me…” Margaret froze as she realized what she had just said.
“Frederick? Who is Frederick?” John observed Margaret’s continued silence. She continued to look away, her cheeks flushed, and would not meet his eyes. Ah, this Frederick, whom she would not discuss, this must be the mysterious man at Outwood station. John’s heart clenched to hear the name of the man who held Margaret’s affections. “Oh, I see. Frederick is your lover.”
“Lover?” Margaret whipped up her head and jumped to her feet, a shocked look on her face. “Frederick is my brother!”
“Your brother?” John stood and stared at her in confusion. “You have… a brother?”
“Yes, my brother, Frederick. We… we do not speak of him. He was in the navy but he is wanted for mutiny. He really is innocent but he would be hanged if he were caught. He came here to see Mama when she was dying at the risk of his own life. I lied to the police inspector. I’m so ashamed of my falsehood, but Frederick was still in the country and I could not risk them finding him. I wanted so much to tell you, Mr. Thornton, but you are a magistrate and it would have put you in an unfair position. I am so sorry…” Margaret’s words came out in a rush.
John’s head was spinning. A brother? The man who had driven him mad with jealousy and heartbreak these many weeks was Margaret’s brother? John struggled to reconcile these new revelations in his mind. “He… he was not your lover.”
“Of course not, Mr. Thornton!” Margaret exclaimed forcefully. “I have never had a lover! I have never had feelings like that for any man except…” Margaret clapped a hand over her mouth and turned away.
Except… who? Could she possibly mean… John tried to forbid himself to hope. But the thought of her earlier words echoed in his mind. She had wanted him to know she thought better of him. She mentioned regrets… what did she regret? Could she regret her refusal of him? Could he bear to risk exposing his heart again? If he was wrong, if she rejected him again, it would shatter his already broken heart into pieces. John did not know how he would be able to live with that kind of pain. But if she had truly changed her opinion of him, if she truly might have feelings for him… He would never know unless he found the courage to open himself up to her again. Could he do it?
“Miss Hale, you mentioned your shame over your lie, but your lie was told with good intentions, to protect your brother.” John regarded Margaret, still turned away from him. “I, on the other hand, lied to you in order to protect myself, my heart.” At this Margaret turned and looked back at him. “I lied when I told you my feelings for you were over.”
“You… lied?” Margaret asked in a quiet voice as she took a small step toward him.
“Yes.” John stepped closer to her. John gazed down into her wide eyes. He had never seen such a look on her face, full of wonder, of hope, and could it be… love?
“Miss Hale,” John’s voice was raspy and hoarse. “Margaret.” Without breaking her gaze, he reached down and pulled out his pocketwatch. He glanced down at it and then looked back at her. “It is now less than a minute to midnight. Would you do me a great honor and allow me to give you a New Year’s kiss?”
Margaret’s cheeks flushed a delicate pink but her eyes on John’s were steady. “Yes, Mr. Thornton.”
John could feel his heart rate racing. He felt as though he must be dreaming. He placed his hand tenderly on Margaret’s cheek. She leaned slightly into his touch as her eyelids fluttered closed. Slowly, John bent down and softly brushed his lips against hers. Feeling Margaret respond to him, he gently deepened the kiss.
Finally, John carefully pulled away and looked down into Margaret’s face. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips still parted. She slowly opened her eyes. John could not tear his gaze away from the expression in them. It seemed to him that he could see a reflection of his own feelings for her, all his love, admiration, and devotion shining back at himself.
“John,” in a quiet sigh, was the only word Margaret seemed able to say.
“Margaret,” he whispered. “Would you do me the greatest of honors and allow me to give you a New Year’s kiss every year for the rest of our lives?”
“Yes, John.”
John drew her back into his arms as celebrations continued inside the house and throughout Milton, throughout the whole world, welcoming the new year and new beginnings.