Chapter Text
The porcelain feels cool against Elliot’s overheated skin. His hands clutch around the rim as he wretches over and over again.
“Jesus, kid.” Mr. Robot mutters, patting Elliot’s sweat soaked t-shirt. “And on the week when we’re completely alone too.”
The holidays had gone by without a hitch. Currently, Elliot was alone in the house. Dom and Darlene had taken Erik on the annual DiPierro ski trip (something Elliot had no interest in, but for some reason Erik really enjoyed). They were gone for the long weekend. Tyrell was busy frolicking around the Silicon Valley on a week-long business trip.
Well, frolicking was being generous.
“You should come with me.” Tyrell panted, his hands on Elliot’s hips as Elliot bounced up and down on his lap. It was early in the morning, before Tyrell had to catch his flight and before Erik woke up for school. Tyrell’s suitcase was left open, halfway packed, which was very unusual for the Swede. Tyrell was one of those annoying people who liked to be prepared for things a week in advance.
The request caught Elliot by surprise, his rhythm faltering as he let out a breathless laugh. Tyrell took that opportunity to take control, pistoning his hips upwards and allowing Elliot to brace against the other man’s shoulders. He let his eyelids flutter shut, soaking in the pulsing pleasure that was only building.
“I’m serious, äskling.” Tyrell muttered in his ear.
Elliot opens his eyes, still finding the request funny. “Tyrell, your flight is in six hours. Plus, someone’s gotta hold the fort down here. Erik can’t just be here by himself. He has school. And who’ll take care of Flipper?”
“We can take them with us.” Tyrell reasons, his hair falling into his eyes. Elliot brushes it away, his hand resting on Tyrell’s cheek.
“Oh yeah, because the kid’s gonna find a bunch of tech shit interesting.” Elliot teases, his thumb tracing Tyrell’s mouth. To Tyrell’s dismay and Elliot’s indifference, Erik did not seem interested at all in computers and coding. It wasn’t from a lack of trying to make it interesting for the kid. Maybe it was because Erik was too young to understand (Tyrell’s hope). Or maybe he straight up found it boring (Elliot’s educated guess). The kid preferred drawing, the outdoors, movies. He was just more artistically inclined. Whenever Tyrell voiced his dismay, Elliot always brushed it off with “we can’t help that the kid isn’t a huge fucking nerd.”
“But you would.” Tyrell replies, pistoning his hips just right, causing the breath to be knocked out of Elliot.
“Yeah, me in a room full of corporate assholes and tech bro fanboys?” Elliot gasps, trying to get his bearings. He knows Tyrell’s doing this to try to win Elliot over. “No thanks.”
Tyrell’s mouth fixes itself into a tight frown. Elliot senses that it’s more than what Tyrell is trying to say. But he doesn’t feel like addressing it right now, not when neither of them have orgamsed. Tyrell will be much more agreeable and loose post-coitus so Elliot takes back control, pushing Tyrell back onto the bed. He moves his hips up and down, his thighs straining. It’s not often Elliot takes control like this, but it’s worth it to see Tyrell’s mouth gape open, his eyes glazing over with pleasure. He looks beautiful. Elliot’s obsessed. It makes him wonder if this is what Tyrell sees when he’s fucking him.
“Darling, I’m close.” Tyrell chokes, his eyes scrunched shut. Elliot takes that as a cue to move faster, pulsing his insides to bring Tyrell over the edge. His thighs may ache for the next few days but it’s a worthy exchange between not seeing his love for a whole week.
Tyrell comes with a low whine and Elliot stops moving, relishing the feeling of Tyrell orgamsing inside of him. His hand flies to his own cock, furiously pumping until he reaches his own climax. Cum splashes onto Tyrell’s stomach and Elliot’s entire body gives out, falling bonelessly on top of Tyrell. The other man’s arms wrap around him and they lie there together, sated and slowing their frantic breaths. He’s almost lulled back into sleep with the patterns Tyrell is tracing on his back.
“It’s about more than wanting me to go, isn’t it?” Elliot whispers after a quiet moment. Tyrell stays silent but Elliot goes on. “I noticed you haven’t started packing until today.”
“This is the first time we’ll be apart since November.” Tyrell states.
Something furious spikes through Elliot and he pushes himself away from Tyrell’s embrace. He suddenly feels hyper aware of the flakes of dried cum on his stomach, the slow trickle of Tyrell’s spend down his legs. He needs to feel clean again. “Why does everyone think I can’t fucking take care of myself?”
“It’s not that-” Tyrell defends, following after his husband.
“Stop lying to me!” Elliot hisses, trying and failing to keep his voice down. They don’t need Erik to come running into the bedroom at this hour. “I’m a grown adult. I can take care of myself. I’m better. I don’t need you all to coddle me like I’m going to fall apart.”
“I know, I know.” Tyrell appeases. “It’s me, okay? I don’t want to be apart from you. It physically pains me to be away from you, especially since November. I know you can function without me, I know you’ll be fine. But I don’t know if I’ll be fine.”
Tyrell looks like he’s on the verge of tears and it causes Elliot to soften. God, he feels like an asshole. He looks at the halfway packed suitcase, everything clicking into place. Tyrell wouldn’t lie to him. “I’m sorry.” Elliot apologizes, walking towards Tyrell and wrapping him in a hug. “I shouldn’t have made an assumption. I didn’t realize.”
“It’s something I have to work on.” Tyrell admits, burying his face in the crook of Elliot’s neck. “We’re separate people, I have to be able to go out and do things without you there, I know that. It’s just so hard.”
“It might not mean much coming from me; since it’s easier said than done, but you’ll be okay.” Elliot assures. “And it’s not like you can’t call. I mean you know me, I basically do nothing all day but code. I’ll pick up when you call. And it’ll only be a week. Then you’ll be back home. It’ll be okay.” Elliot extracts Tyrell’s face from his neck, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. “I love you.”
Tyrell chuckles wetly. “I feel so fucking silly.”
“You’re not.” Elliot replies. “Now come on, we’re filthy. Let’s shower then we’ll pack together.”
While Tyrell wasn’t worried about Elliot being alone, Darlene was.
“You know, it’s not too late to come with us.” Darlene said nonchalantly as Elliot was helping Erik put on his snow boots.
“Now why would I do that?” Elliot says with an eye roll. It was Thursday. Erik was ecstatic that he was missing school for the next two days. Elliot figured that the kid was seven, he wasn’t going to miss much from missing the last school days of the first week back to school. It was harder for Elliot to hide his irritation, especially since he was battling morning sickness.
The vomiting had begun serendipitously after Tyrell left for his flight. It was easy to hide it from Erik, the kid oblivious to it all. Elliot’s been miserable the whole week, barely getting out of bed when Erik was at school.
“Skiing is fun!” Darlene exclaims, reaching over and adjusting Erik’s beanie. “You would know if you tried it out.”
“You yourself said you hate skiing.” Elliot deadpans. “You only go because you’re married to Dom.”
“It’s not just skiing!” Darlene reasons. “It’s also sitting inside while you watch your in-laws slip around on the snow while drinking spiked cocoa. And also sitting in a hot tub outside! It’s great!”
“Jesus, she’s insistent.” Mr. Robot grumbles, rolling his eyes. Mr. Robot has been with him the entire week holding the fort down, making Elliot drink water, eat things for him to promptly throw up. Elliot still hasn’t admitted to Mr. Robot that he thinks he’s pregnant. If he even says it out loud, it makes it too real. But he knows that Mr. Robot knows. It remains unspoken.
“Darlene, if this is you worried that I’m gonna waste away by myself, you’re not hiding it well.” Elliot replies, getting up from his knees to stand face to face with Darlene. He has to ground himself so he doesn’t vomit on Darlene’s boots. He reaches out his hands for Erik to take. The boy springs up from his seat fully bundled.
“Pfft, no.” Darlene badly lies. “Is it a crime to want to spend time with my dear older brother? Erik, don’t you want your daddy to come too?”
“Yeah, Daddy it’ll be so fun!” Erik squeaks back excitedly. “I can teach you how to ski. I’m really good at it.”
“Maybe next time kiddo, when Pappa is home. Pappa can ski with you and I can watch you from the safety of the indoors.” Elliot assures. “Maybe we’ll attach some skis on Flipper too.” Elliot smiles as he sees Erik light up at that idea.
“Let’s get this show on the road!” Dom declares, stepping into the doorway of the entrance from the outside. She had been waiting in the car to keep it running. “You ready to go, kiddo?”
“Not yet.” Darlene intercepts. “We’re trying to get Elliot to go too.”
Dom frowns. “Babe, he would hate it.” She claps Elliot on the shoulder. “If you’re worried about him being alone, don’t be. He’s a grown man. Plus, he thrives on being alone.” Dom adds with a wink. Elliot’s never felt more grateful for his sister-in-law. If anything, Dom has always been the one to never coddle him.
“You two are so annoying.” Darlene huffs, rolling her eyes. “Okay, fine. We’re going. But if you need something, don’t be a stranger and give us a call. I’m sure Trudie would love to have you. Now, say goodbye to your dad before we leave.”
“Bye Daddy!” Erik chirps, hugging Elliot’s legs.
“Be good.” Elliot instructs, patting Erik’s head. He doesn’t think he could manage bending down again. “Be safe. And play nice with your cousins. Tell your nonna your pappa and I say hi.”
“Okay!” Erik chirps at the same time Dom reaches out her hand for Erik to take. His little hand fits into hers and he watches them walk out the door.
“I mean it.” Darlene says, looking serious. “If you need anything, I am more than willing to come back early.”
“Darlene, I’m fine.” Elliot assures, trying his best not to seem short with her. He just really wants to puke and lay down in peace.
“Okay, I’ll stop nagging.” Darlene sighs, pulling him in for a hug. “We’ll be back Sunday evening. I’ll make sure the little tyke does some of his homework.”
They part and Darlene grabs Erik’s backpack from the floor before shutting the front door and leaving. The minute the door closes, Elliot runs into the nearest bathroom to throw up the contents of this morning’s breakfast.
“So… Do we want to talk about all this throwing up?” Mr. Robot asks as Elliot flushes the toilet. He follows behind as Elliot trudges into the bedroom, flopping onto the bed before burying himself under the covers.
“Not particularly.” Elliot mumbles. He doesn’t know why he is so steadfast in this denial. It’s been easy to hide from Tyrell, he just doesn’t bring it up. The great thing about Tyrell having an iPhone and Elliot having an Android was that they couldn’t video call. Tyrell couldn’t see how haggard Elliot looked. He felt bad about keeping it from Tyrell. But what if he wasn’t pregnant? He’d get his hopes up for nothing.
“You won’t know until you take an actual test.” Mr. Robot bristles, hearing Elliot’s thoughts. In the corner of his eye, he can see Mr. Robot’s hand twitching in annoyance. Elliot remembers his own hand would do that when he was in the process of quitting. In the past week, Mr. Robot has stopped smoking cigarettes, noticing that the smell was making Elliot even more nauseous. Just like Magda stopped when she knew. Shit.
“I might not be.” Elliot lamely supplies, fighting sleep.
A spike of annoyance shoots through him as Mr. Robot snorts, “With you and Tyrell fucking like rabbits for the past month and a half with no goalie at the net, I would be surprised if you weren’t. You’re probably a month or so along.”
“What if I want to wait until Tyrell gets home?” Elliot yawns. He’s so tired. He doesn’t want to deal with this right now.
“You can’t run forever.”
It’s the last thing he hears before he drifts off to sleep.
He finds himself standing in the middle of a neighborhood street. The house in front of him is neatly manicured, flowers blooming from the trellis archway.
“Hi.” a small voice says. He looks down and sees himself as a boy standing on the grass.
“Hello.” Elliot responds, blinking in confusion. Is he dreaming? How did he get here?
“Come on.” the Boy says, turning his back and walking towards the backyard. “Mama’s waiting.”
“I don’t understand.” Elliot replies, still standing in place.
The Boy sighs, looking exasperated. He reaches out his hand. “Follow me. You don’t have to be scared, you know. It’s safe here.”
Elliot places his hand in the expectant Boy’s and allows himself to be guided towards the back. They pass lush greenery, lovingly pruned and kept to perfection. They walk on a cobblestone path until a delicate looking garden table set appears, a woman with a kerchief wrapped around her head. He hears the gentle clinking of a spoon against the sides of her teacup.
She looks up at him and smiles warmly. “Take a seat.” she says. She turns to the Boy. “Run along, now. Don’t get into too much trouble.”
“What am I doing here?” Elliot asks, not sitting down. He’s too gobsmacked seeing her like this. He’s never seen her like this. “Where am I?”
“My home.” she shrugs. “I think you should take a seat, you look faint.”
She’s not wrong about that. He cautiously takes a seat, still staring at her wearily. “You didn’t answer my first question.”
“You needed a break.” she replies, setting her teacup down. “So we all thought it would be a good idea to have you spend some time here.”
He can’t help but snort. “With you?”
“I know I’m not ideal.” Magda sighs. “But, for now, I’m the best you’ve got.”
He wants to laugh. Since when is anything in his life ideal, especially when it comes to the people who share his psyche. “Where’s Mr. Robot?” he asks.
“Taking matters into his own hand.” she says. “Plus, Flipper really needed to take a walk.”
“What, so he’s buying pregnancy tests?” Elliot snaps, feeling annoyed. “Jesus, I told him I didn’t want to know yet.”
“It’s not like he’s going to pee on them for you.” Magda replies, rolling her eyes. That makes him feel more at ease. This is the Mom he knows. The one who can barely stand him. “As always, you have a choice. A choice you know you have to make.”
“I’ll know one way or another.” Elliot defends.
“Elliot.” Her firm tone surprises him and he can’t help but look her in the eyes. It’s something he always envied about Mr. Robot and her. They could always command attention at the drop of a dime. Her command was different from Mr. Robot’s brute force. Hers was calm and pointed. “I thought you wanted to stop running.”
A hot flare of indignation shoots up his spine and he gets up from the garden chair, ready to walk away. But, for one, he doesn’t know how to get out. Two, he would be proving her right. He can’t bring himself to say anything though, stuck at just glowering at her.
“It’s a beautiful garden, isn’t it?” Magda says, looking straight ahead at the garden around them. “You know, when I came back, it was rotten and brittle. I had been gone for so long everything had fallen into disrepair. You see, this garden is my pride and joy, besides my son of course. So after I took a long nap, I got to work. Weeding and clearing out the debris. It took days. I had never had to rebuild everything from the start before. I didn’t know if I could do it. But then, every night on TV I would see you, trying so hard to piece yourself together. So I thought, if you could do it, then I could too. I replanted everything, watered and fertilized with care. And slowly, but surely, everything started growing back, healthier than I had ever seen it. And as I watched it grow, I realized it was more than just a garden. I mean, I know this is all in your head. Our heads. We are you and you are us. This garden is you, Elliot. It is all the love and care the whole system has for this life. We cannot be strong without you, Elliot. This garden is proof that you don’t have to be fearful anymore of what’s to come. It’s proof that our miserable little lives can create and hold onto beautiful things.”
She stands, taking a step towards him. She reaches out, her hand gently cupping his cheek. Her thumb wipes away at a stray tear. “You, my son, can finally stop running.” she murmurs.
“Mom…”
“No matter what happens, you’re strong enough to withstand it.” She leans in and kisses his forehead. His eyes feel heavy, he can’t help but close them. “Remember that, Elliot.”
“Piss on ‘em.” Mr. Robot says, throwing the tests at the foot of the bed.
Elliot sits up in bed, his breathing frantic.
“Jeez, what did she do?” Mr. Robot says with a raised eyebrow, studying Elliot with a cautious stare. “I ask her to watch you for a minute while I’m out and you come back looking like you saw Jesus rise from the grave or some shit.”
“Nothing.” Elliot replies, shaking his head. He kicks the blankets off him before reaching for the tests. Mr. Robot shoots him a disbelieving look but says nothing as he follows the other man to the bathroom.
“I can pee by myself.” Elliot grumbles. “It’s not like I haven’t done this before.”
Mr. Robot throws his hands up in defense. “Well fuck me for trying to support you.” he grumbles. “Okay, fine, I’ll be waiting outside. Not like we don’t know what the results will be but take your time kiddo.”
The door shuts behind him and Elliot proceeds to use the tests. Once he’s done, he rests them neatly on the sink counter. He has to wait for five long minutes. He sets the timer on his phone and waits, sitting on the closed lid of the toilet and staring blankly ahead, trying to wrap his head around what had just happened. Just months ago he could expect Magda perched on the edge of the tub, silently sitting with him. He finds it strange that he almost craves her presence. At least with her, they could be silent together.
His heart hammers in his chest. He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. Mr. Robot is probably right, they know what the outcome is going to be. When should he tell Tyrell? Should he wait until he comes home tonight? Should he call? Text?
The alarm on his phone blares and he quickly presses the off button. He places the phone down before standing up from the toilet. He peers over and reads the results of the two different tests:
Two lines.
Pregnant.
“Oh.” he whispers, fighting back tears. He picks up all three tests, opening the door where he’s met by an impatient looking Mr. Robot.
“Oh!” Mr. Robot responds, looking at the tests in Elliot’s hand with awe. A hearty slap on the shoulder. “Congratulations, kiddo.”
The two men stare at the tests in silence for a good minute before Mr. Robot says, “We should probably tell Tyrell.”
Elliot wordlessly pulls out his phone, snapping a quick picture of the tests in his hand. His thumb shakes as he presses send.
Not even 30 seconds later, his phone vibrates with a call.
“Hello?”
“Äskling.” Tyrell’s voice sounds wobbly in the tinny phone speaker.
Elliot can’t help but let out a laugh. It bubbles out of him. It’s such a happy sound. “Tyrell, we’re going to be parents again.”