Talk:Second Battle of Kehl (1796)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ceradon (talk · contribs) 02:45, 27 January 2015 (UTC)

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV () 3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant () Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

• I'll take this on. --ceradon (talk • contribs) 02:45, 27 January 2015 (UTC)
• @Auntieruth55: I think I'm done the read-through. Correcting the below issues should warrant a final read-through and a pass. Cheers, --ceradon (talk • contribs) 03:28, 13 February 2015 (UTC)

Lede

• "In the 1790s, the Rhine was wild, unpredictable, and difficult to cross, in some places more than four or more times wider than it is in the twenty-first century, even under non-flood conditions." - run-on sentence. A bit confusing as well. Suggest splitting into two sentences around the "in some places" part.

• fixed

Campaign of 1796

• "The French grand plan" - what does grand add?
• "while simultaneously" - entirely redundant. "while" implies that it was simultaneous.
• "Specifically, Jean-Baptiste Jourdan's army would push south from Düsseldorf, hopefully drawing troops and attention toward themselves, which would allow Moreau's army an easier crossing of the Rhine. According to plan, Jourdan's army feinted toward Mannheim, and Charles quickly reapportioned his troops." - This reads rather awkwardly, and lacks clarity (on the latter count, perhaps I'm just dense) -- the messaging I get is that Jourdan's army was to act as a diversion so Moreau's army could move without the being threatened by picket forces; that plan worked out and Charles fell for it. I don't quite know if that was the intended meaning (If it is, I'm not dense! :D) It could use some rewording to clarity.
• "Once this occurred, Moreau's army attacked the bridgehead at Kehl" - a bit awkward. Suggestion: "Charles's restructuring of his army opened up a weakness in his line, allowing Moreau to attack at the bridgehead at Kehl"
• "Swabian circle" should be "Swabian Circle"
• "which amazingly held" - editorializing. Suggestion: "who managed to hold" or "who managed to resist Moreau's advance for several hours"

you aren't dense. But also that's not quite right. I took out amazingly, but I don't think it's editorializing to say that it was amazing that 7,000 farm boys and journeymen resisted 10,000 trained French troops for several hours.  ;) auntieruth (talk) 23:42, 31 January 2015 (UTC)

Campaign of 1796 (cont'd)

• "under orders of" - You should change this to either "under the orders of" or "Under the command of"
• "The troops there, under orders of General Marc Amand Élisée Scherb, included the 68th Demi-brigade and two squadrons of the 19th dragoons, had remained behind after the Battle of Ettlingen to observe the garrisons of Mannheim and Philippsburg." - run-on sentence. Consider changing the comma after "dragoons" to a period and adding "They" to the beginning of the next sentence.
• "stronger Austrians" stronger in what? Bigger force? Better-trained/-experienced generals and soldiers?
• "reach Kehl," why is there a comma?
• "on the French positioned" seems like an unfinished thought. "French position there" or "French troops positioned there"?
• "retired toward the fortifications at Kehl." this confuses me. I got the impression Scherb was already marching towards Kehl. By this phrase, do you mean they wanted to disengage from the skirmished and continue their march to Kehl?
• "Grumbach" could you explain in the article what Grumbach is and its relevance in this context?

Action at Kehl

• "French flank" - which flank?
• "Major Busch"; "Colonel Pongratz"; "Major Delas" can you please add the first names of these officers when you first mention them so they can be sufficiently identified?

• first names not known from the sources I used. They are also not listed in the regimental history.

Impact of September action

• No issues found.

Images

• Two images featured in article both properly licensed and are free images.

• Good work here. Passing... --ceradon (talk • contribs) 17:37, 14 February 2015 (UTC)