Talk:Denise Huxtable/GA1
Latest comment: 6 years ago by Aoba47 in topic GA Review
The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
GA Review
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 05:10, 27 January 2018 (UTC)
- Grabbing this for a review. It will take me some time to get through this one as it is quite long, but I will most likely start the review next weekend if that is okay with you. Aoba47 (talk) 05:10, 27 January 2018 (UTC)
- Oh wow, thank you so much! Yeah that's totally fine, take all the time you need.--Changedforbetter (talk) 16:08, 27 January 2018 (UTC)
- Lead and infobox
- For the infobox image, the caption should not have a period as it is not a complete sentence.
- I would add ALT text for the infobox image.
- I would linke Rudy Huxtable in the infobox since you have created the article recently (wonderful work with that by the way).
- Done, and thank you!--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- For this part (as the Huxtable family's "wild child”), I believe you can get away with just saying wild child without quotation marks.
- Agreed, done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- For this part (Alternating between regular and recurring character,), I would saying “between being a”.
- For this part (Based on Cosby's daughter Erinn, the creator), something about the phrase “the creator” sounds odd to me.
- I think I know what you're saying; I've swapped it out in favor of "her creator".--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- For this part (Revered as a fashion icon, the character's eclectic style), the beginning phrase should be connected to the character alone. Right now, it currently reads as the style itself being the fashion icon.
- Fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Role
- The Raven-Symoné link does not cover her full name.
- Fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Otherwise, great work with this section
- Awesome, thanks!--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Conception and writing
- Great work here; I could not find anything that needed improvement.
- So good to hear, thank you!--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Casting and portrayal
- Could you possibly expand on this sentence (Bonet also shares Denise's defiant personality.)? It sounds rather vague as it currently stands, and I am not sure how much it adds to the reader’s understanding of the character.
- It's not necessary at this point, I just removed it.--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Creative conflicts and A Different World
- For this sentence (Bonet is believed to have had a tense relationship with both Cosby and the show's producers throughout most of her time on the series), please put the references in order. The same comment applies for this sentence (Tensions increased between Bonet and Cosby when the actress posed nude for Interview and Rolling Stone magazines to promote Angel Heart.).
- Done and done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Please add ALT text to the image.
- I am not sure about this wording (The first Cosby Show cast member to receive their own spin-off,) as it could be read as meaning other cast members received as a spin-off, which did not happen.
- I understand, I fixed it (first and only).--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- This sentence (Established as its lead character, the majority of the first season revolves around Denise struggling to maintain her grades.) needs revision, as it currently reads that “the majority of the first season” was “established as its lead character”.
- Fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Return to the Cosby Show
- For this part (Despite NBC producers alluding to the possibility of Bonet returning to A Different World permanently after giving birth,), please put the references in order.
- Fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 07:43, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Departure
- Please add ALT text for the image.
- Maternity leave is linked multiple times in the body of the article.
- I could only find the one?--Changedforbetter (talk) 08:04, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Raven-Symoné is also linked multiple times in the body of the article.
- Fixed.
- I think you could paraphrase this quote ("solidified Cosby season premieres as episodes in which one of the children would drop a bombshell”) or at least cut it down somewhat as it somehwat overtakes the sentence in which it appears.
- This part (until Cosby grew increasingly frustrated with her to the point of which he fired her from the series altogether at the end of season seven) is rather wordy and reads somewhat awkwardly to me. I think some minor revisions for flow would be helpful here.
- I agree, I think I fixed it.--Changedforbetter (talk) 08:04, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Theo is linked multiple times in the body of the article. The same comment applies for Malcolm-Jamal Warner, Tempestt Bledsoe, and Keisha Knight Pulliam.
- Don't know how I missed allll of these haha, fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 08:04, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Characterization and fashion
- Great work with section. I have a lot of respect for you for being able to pull together all of this information and sources into a cohesive whole. It is a very informative read.
- Thank you very much, I really appreciate it! The characterization sections are very difficult and tasking to work on but ultimately satisfying once they're completed; you learn a lot just by researching for information.--Changedforbetter (talk) 08:04, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- The Cosby Show
- Mental Floss is linked multiple times in the body of the article.
- Fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 08:04, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- I would rephrase this part (Adored by millions of fans, Bonet's popularity) as it reads that Bonet’s popularity was adored by millions of fans rather than Bonet herself.
- I understand, fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 08:04, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- A Different World
- The A.V. Club was already linked in a previous section. Same goes for The Odyssey Online.
- Fixed.
- Impact and legacy
- Unlink The Odyssey Online and The Etsy Blog.
- For this part (character have drawn extensive comparisons to Denise), please put the references in the correct order.
- Got it, fixed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 08:04, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Final comments
- Excellent work with this article! It was a very informative read, and it was nice to learn more about the character and the background/production side of these two shows. It was a shame that the pregnancy storyline was not used as A Different World, as I would have liked to see how that would have panned out. You continue to be an inspiration for my own work, and I hope that my projects can reach the level of polish and depth that yours do. Once my comments are addressed, I will be more than happy to pass this as a GA. Aoba47 (talk) 01:15, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Thank you once again for taking on this massive article for review; you really didn't have to because I know you have a lot on your plate, but ultimately I'm glad you did (I wish I could review more articles myself but my strength is really in writing and editing, not reviewing). I agree about the abandoned pregnancy plot; I was really sad to see Denise written out of the show, and I think her getting pregnant (proving that a Huxtable child really can be "imperfect" but survive) would have helped critics and audiences identify with the character. Looking forward to the day your Endless Night article becomes GA!--Changedforbetter (talk) 08:04, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
- Thank you for addressing everything! Don't worry about about not doing review, as I really did enjoy reading through this article and reviewing it. I agree with your comments on Denise. While I enjoy the Cosby Show, there are some moments in the show that I was disappointed by when re-watching it. Great work on this again! I will ✓ Pass it. Aoba47 (talk) 16:33, 29 January 2018 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.